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| Posted by Nichole Wong on 08-Aug-2005 | CrossedWhat do you get when you put a Gay guy and a dinosaur together?
A:> A MegasaurASS
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| Posted by Shorty on 08-Aug-2005 | I Like MonkeysThe pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Goddamn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.
I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad. I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed, The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.
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| Posted by barry K. tanishi on 08-Aug-2005 | The RoosterA man was out driving in his car when all of a sudden a rooster ran out in front of his car, he tried to miss it but unfortunately he ran over the rooster & killed it.
He decided that he should go & tell the farmer, so he got out of his car & walked across the road to the farm, walked up to the front door & knocked, the farmer came to the door & the man said "I'm afraid I've killed your rooster, please let me replace him".
The farmer said "Help yourself, the hens are out the back".
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| Posted by Fran Williams on 08-Aug-2005 | DinosaursWhats a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalotofpuss !
Whats a gay dinosaur? A lickdicknopuss !
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| Posted by LeeLee on 08-Aug-2005 | Snail's PaceA man hears a knock at his door, opens it but doesn't see anyone.
He glances down, sees a snail there and being the conscientious gardener he is, tosses the snail across the road, into a field, away from his property.
Ten years go by, and one day the man hears a knock at the door, but once again, doesn't find anyone there when he answers.
He looks down, sees a snail there.
The snail looks up at him, and in a tiny voice demands, -
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"
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| Posted by Little Bosier on 08-Aug-2005 | A Mother CowWhat do you call a mother cow that lost her calf?
"Decafinated"
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