|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Robert Letch on 14-Aug-2005 | Currency ExchangeAn Asian Guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen
and walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen and gets $66.
He asks the lady why he gets less money this week than last week. The lady
says: "Fluctuations." The Asian guy storms out, and just before slamming
the door, turns around and says: "Fuck you Americans too!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Dreamer on 14-Aug-2005 | Bumper StickersJesus loves you.... Everyone else thinks you're an ass.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Hang up and drive!
GUYS, no shirt, no service, GALS, no shirt, no charge.
Heart attacks, God's revenge for eating his animal friends.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
Try not to let your mind wonder, Its too small to be out by
itself.
The proctologist called, the found your head.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any
film.
Some people just don't know how to drive, I call these people,
"EVERYBODY BUT ME!"
Don't like my driving, Then quit watching me.
Just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
Hows My Driving? 1-800-EAT-SHIT
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Dante Cardella on 14-Aug-2005 | Natural EquipmentA couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband
liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the
husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that
morning and took a nap.
While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was
not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the
boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside
the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says,
"Reading my book."
The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area
and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied,
"But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and
write you up!"
Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady
told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."
The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't
even touch you."
To which the lady replied, "Yes,but you have all the
equipment!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Steelers R. Awesome on 14-Aug-2005 | Wake me up...On a bus station, an old lady got into a bus and said to the driver,
"Sonny boy, I think I'm going to fall asleep during this long bus ride.
Can you wake me up when we get to New York?" The Driver replied, "Sure
thing." But later he forgot all about the old lady and only when he went 3
hours past New york he remembered that he had to wake her up. He felt
really sorry for the old lady so he decided to go all the way back to New
York and wake up the old lady and pretend like nothing happend. Even when
all the other passengers disagreed the driver didn't change his mind.
Finally when they got to New York. He woke up the old lady and the old
lady got up, looked inside her bag, took out a pill and ate it. Then she
said, "Thank you sonny boy! I always forget to take my medication in
time!" and went back to sleep again.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Karlina Fierling on 14-Aug-2005 | Sherlock HolmesSherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down
for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what
you see."
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God
is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell
you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by AK-47 on 14-Aug-2005 | Dear mom and dad...Dear Mom & Dad:
We are having a great time here at Lake Typhoid. Scoutmaster Webb is
making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and
worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed
away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the
mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's
mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to
ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have
found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster
Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone.
Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably
didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can
will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did.
Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows
back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed.
It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left.
Scoutmaster Webb said that a car that old you have to expect something to
break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think
it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if its hot,
sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10
people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the
highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat
guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how
to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there
isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This
morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the
lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was
afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe
across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under
the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some
scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to
spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him
any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges.
When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet
works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was
just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. I have to go now. We are
going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about
anything. We are fine.
Love,
Cole
P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
