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| Posted by Christ on 11-Aug-2005 | Dad & DaveDad and dave are walking along in the bush and they come across a dingo licking its balls. Dad says "I've always wanted to do that". Dave replies "those dingoes can be pretty viscious you know you'd want to pat it a bit first".
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| Posted by Krista N. Andrson on 13-Aug-2005 | Legal ParrotA man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."
"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer.
The owner says "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research." The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.
Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."
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| Posted by cory on 14-Aug-2005 | SkydivingA blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were
all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to
jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and
grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival
on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, that's the easy part. It's when the
dog's leash goes slack."
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| Posted by Dinesh SJ on 13-Aug-2005 | Peguines at the beachSo, two peguins went to the beach...and one says,"Hey, you wanna go swimming?" and the other one says,"What do I look like...A COW?!"
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| Posted by Philip Jennings on 08-Aug-2005 | Elephant Riddles SevenQ: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.
Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you?
A: She has a big 'E' on her pajama jacket pocket.
Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: Because they might let down their trunks.
Q. Why do elephants have four feet? A. Because lady elephants have big twats.
Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
A: Sheep.
Q: What do elephants use for condoms?
A: Snakes.
Q: What do elephants use for vibrators?
A: Epileptic pigmies.
Q: Why do elephants have long trunks?
A: 'Cos sheep don't have strings.
Q: How do you know when an elephant has its period?
A: There is a quarter on your dresser and your mattress is missing.
Q: What is an elephant's sex organ?
A: His foot... If he steps on you you're FUCKED!
Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
A: A pachydermatologist.
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hooker?
A: A two-ton pickup.
Q: What did the female elephant say during sex?
A: "Can I be on top this time?"
Q: What did the elephant say to the nude man?
A: Cute, but can you breathe through it?
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| Posted by Wasabi angel on 10-Aug-2005 | Elephant PhysiologyWhy do elephants have four feet?
Because six inches isn't enough!
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