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| Posted by sea chelle on 09-Aug-2005 | Dads JobA Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad's do for a living.
Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail."
Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better."
All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. The teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?"
Johnny says: "My Dad is dead."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died ?"
"He turned blue and shit on the carpet."
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| Posted by Lauren M on 09-Aug-2005 | My God Your UglyLittle Johnny said to his aunt Tess, "My God, you're ugly, aren't you!"
His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. "You naughty boy!" she screamed, "How can you say to your aunt that she's ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you're sorry!"
Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, "Aunt Tess, I am sorry you're so ugly."
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| Posted by I don't have a penis on 09-Aug-2005 | Who Pees in the PoolJonny and Tommy where hot one summers day.
The boys decided to go swimming. They went to the public pool.
Soon the lifeguard calls them over. She says, "I've been watching you two. You will have to leave now. "But why?"
"For peeing in the pool."
"Well, but everyone does that." the boys replied in unison.
"Not from the diving board, they don't!"
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| Posted by Chransie Spamton on 09-Aug-2005 | Priests CollarLittle Johnny got on a bus and sat down next to a man. He noticed that the man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked him, "Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"
The man smiled kindly and answered, "I wear this collar because I am a father."
Little Johnny thought a second and responded, "Sir, I have a father, but he wears his collar the other way around. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute, and said, "I am the Father for many."
Little Johnny quickly answered, "My father, too, is the father of many. He has four sons, four daughters and many grandchildren. But he wears his collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear yours backwards?"
The priest, flustered, said impatiently, "I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people."
Little Johnny sat silently for a long time. As he got up to leave the bus, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards."
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| Posted by Sarah Fletcher on 09-Aug-2005 | Slowest SellerOn his way in to our local grocery, my husband was stopped by a gaggle of small girls selling Girl Scout cookies.
When he said Yes, he'd take a box, a Brownie asked, "What kind?"
Helpfully he inquired, "Oh, let's see - which is your slowest seller?"
The tiny spokesperson thought a minute, then, pointing toward another girl, stating emphatically, "Brittany!"
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| Posted by Shane Gonz on 09-Aug-2005 | Jonnys DadOne day in the class room the teacher told the class were going to play a moral of the story game.
Instantly Johnny raised his hand, the teacher looked over and thought to herself no I wont pick Johnny he'll have something to do with sex or swearing, so the teacher picked Betty.
Betty started by saying, "one day I went out to collect the eggs from the chicken coop and dropped them."
The teacher asked "and what's the moral to that story?
Betty said "don't count your chickens before they hatch".
The teacher looked around the room and deiced alright Johnny.
Johnny started off by saying, "one day my dad was in nam his LT. told him he had to take that hill and hold it at all costs, so my dad sat down pounded a 5th a whiskey ran up the hill and killed everybody."
The teacher looked up shocked and said, " alright what's the moral of that story?"
Johnny simply sat back and said "DON'T FUCK WITH MY DAD WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING."
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