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| Posted by David J. Nicholson on 09-Aug-2005 | Dead DogMom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not your fault that the dog died.
He's probably on his way up to heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie, still crying, could not be consoled.
Tears poured out as she said, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
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| Posted by Scott T. Zuber on 09-Aug-2005 | Just The TreatmentA young mother was having a consultation with a doctor.
As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him.
Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing.
Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, "I hope you don't mind my Little Johnny playing in there."
"No, not at all," said the doctor calmly. "Not at all. I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison."
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| Posted by basketballgal on 09-Aug-2005 | Goldfish DeathLittle Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was very concerned.
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat!"
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| Posted by Red on 09-Aug-2005 | Kiddie Wisdom 2* Even though its a cool idea, grape jelly cannot substitute for toothpaste.
* When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
* If you bring your favorite book into the bathtub with you, it WILL get wet.
* Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
* You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
* Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
* Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
* Puppies still have bad breath even after eating tic tacs.
* Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
* School lunches stick to the wall.
*You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
* Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
* The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
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| Posted by Dennis L. Spencer on 09-Aug-2005 | Clean MirrorsAccording to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Ever since this demonstration, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators!)
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| Posted by Andrew Jameson on 09-Aug-2005 | Peeing In The PoolLittle Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
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