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| Posted by Joslyn L. Wick on 09-Aug-2005 | Ding dongA man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
The boy replies, "Now we run!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by Yo Mama on 09-Aug-2005 | Crazy teacherThe math teacher notices that Johnny had been daydreaming for most of the class. To get his attention she says, "Johnny, if the world is 25,000 miles around, and a dozen eggs are 90 cents, how old am I?
"Thirty-four," Johnny answered without hesitation.
The teacher who is all amazed, replies, "Well, that's correct. "Tell me, uh . . . how did you figure that out?"
Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half as crazy as you."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Fiona L. Holliday on 09-Aug-2005 | Eating aloneThe teacher of an earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked Jonny to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."
Submitted ny calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by cherry lover on 09-Aug-2005 | Fast Dad!Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."
The second one says, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet."
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head.
He then says, "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Kyle Lusis on 09-Aug-2005 | God sent youOne day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues.
"Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief.
"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by Cristyn B. Militello on 09-Aug-2005 | IndifferentOne day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "Who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?"
The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows.
Finally, Little Johnny puts up his hand.
The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual innuendo, looks for another student to ask.
Finally, when no one else raises their hand, she says, "Yes, Johnny?"
"Miss Figpot, it means lovely."
Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"
"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mommy say, 'That's lovely'. Then Daddy said, 'Yep, it's in different.'"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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