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| Posted by mr piemanmoo on 09-Aug-2005 | DizzyI had to stop driving my car for a while... The tires got dizzy.
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| Posted by herpez a. bigk on 09-Aug-2005 | A snails paceA snail was crossing the road when all of a sudden he got rolled by a turtle.
The next thing the snail knows he's at the hospital, and the doctor asks him: "How did everything happened?"
The snail replied: "I don't know, everything happened so fast."
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Recai Yalgin on 09-Aug-2005 | School bus driverThis retarded kid is starting his first day of school. He walks down to the bus stop and waits for the bus to take him to school.
The bus eventually drives up and opens the door. "Hello Mr Schoolbus Driver" he says in a slurred voice.
Then the bus door closes and drives off without picking him up. He went back home, told his parents and figured he would try again.
The next morning, he stood at the bus stop, the bus came around and opened the door.
In a slurred voice the boy says ,"Hello Mr Busdriver!" To which the bus driver closed the door and drove off.
The boy went back to his parents and told them, to which they were majorly pissed off.
The next morning, they came down with the boy to the bus stop to talk to the driver.
The bus came past and the door opened. The father of the boy asks, "My boy needs to go to school each morning, but you keep closing the door and driving off, how come?"
The bus driver says in a slurred voice, "He keeps making fun of me!"
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| Posted by Reflex449 on 09-Aug-2005 | Stolen steedA tandem team rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a cold drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which they were.
When they finished their drinks, they found their steed had been stolen.
They go back into the bar, the captain handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE OUR STEED?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"ALL RIGHT WE'RE GONNA HAVE ANOTHA COLD DRINK, AND IF OUR STEED AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME WE FINISH, WE'RE GONNA DO WHAT WE DUN IN TEXAS! AND WE DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT WE DUN IN TEXAS!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
They had another cold drink, walked outside, and the tandem is back! They mount up and start to ride out of town.
The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go... what did happen in Texas?"
The captain turned back and said, "We had to walk home."
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| Posted by Edward Haskett on 09-Aug-2005 | Martha StewartMartha Stewart's time behind bars is starting to bear fruit.
The other day a bank robber was caught in a sporting goods store looking for a ski mask that didn't clash with the color of his getaway car.
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| Posted by Sara Bernabeo on 09-Aug-2005 | Anything smaller?One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block.
Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
"Where to?" he stammered.
"Union Station," answered the woman.
"You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?"
"Well ma'am, I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does "THIS" answer your question?"
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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