|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by The Wall on 09-Aug-2005 | Do you know who I amAn orderly room clerk had to work late one evening to clear up a backlog of filing. By the time he had finished it, the office clock stood at 9:35 pm and he realised that he had missed his evening meal. Just as he was about to lock up, the telephone rang.
Angrily, the soldier grabbed the receiver and said, "What do you want at this time of night? Don't you know what time it is?"
"Do you know who I am?"
said the voice at the other end.
"No," said the clerk.
"Go on - surprise me!"
"I am Colonel Bull, the camp commandant!"
"And do you know who I am?"
asked the clerk.
"No, I don't."
"Thank Goodness for that."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Ryan D. Bloom on 09-Aug-2005 | Living with the WolfThe Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.
"How was work, dear?"
his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.
"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?"
she asks nicely.
"Listen!" he shouts again.
"I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"
At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.
Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Brian w. willis on 09-Aug-2005 | Cards for the Not So~ You were meant for me, perhaps as a punishment.
~ I know how to push all my wife's buttons ... now if I could only find the one marked OFF!
~ I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in hell until I met you.
~ Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking?
~ As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me.
~ They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars. Looks like someone robbed your ugly ass.
~ When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
~ I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
~ I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Patrick J. Beverly on 09-Aug-2005 | Things Only a Mother1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."
2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!"
4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, your not going to the store with me."
5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
7. My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
8. My Mother taught me HUMOUR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
10. My Mother taught me about SEX....
"How do you think you got here?"
11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You're just like your father."
12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
14. And my all time favourite... JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....then you'll see what it's like"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Cutie23Girl on 09-Aug-2005 | Panda eatingThere once was a panda in a bar, the manager seated him. Then a waiter took his order:a steak and a root beer. Once he finished his meal he thanked, paid, and tipped the waiter. Then from the depths of his fur he took out a gun. He shot the waiter. The manager rushed over and asked " why did you shoot my employee?"
The panda said,"don't you know who I am?"
"yes," the manager replied."
then when you get home look me up in the dictionary.When the manager got home he found panda. PANDA:, a bear native from China:,eats shoots, and leaves
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Scotman23 on 09-Aug-2005 | Get a hole lot moreBetty and Gertie are living out their twilight years in a nursing home. One day while sitting on the front verandah, Betty turned to Gertie and asked, "Gertie, do you ever miss sex?"
To which Gertie replied, "Of course I do Betty, after all I'm only human."
"So what do you do to satisfy the urge?"
Betty asks.
"I suck on a lifesaver."
says Gertie. After thinking about this last statement for a few seconds Gertie then pipes up and asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
