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| Posted by J C. B on 13-Aug-2005 | Doctor's dietA woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. ''I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds.''
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. ''Why, that's amazing!'' the doctor said, ''Did you follow my instructions?''
The woman nodded. ''I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.''
''From hunger, you mean?''
''No, from skipping.''
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():nerd jokes (650): Stupid People (here's your sign) |
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| Posted by Adrian L. Campbell on 13-Aug-2005 | Stupid People (here's your sign)Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope -Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a bridge...here's your sign."
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."
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():nerd jokes (650): Let's put this into sensible units - - like... |
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| Posted by Dan Berkowitz on 07-Aug-2005 | Let's put this into sensible units - - like...Let's put this into sensible units - - like furlongs per fortnight.
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():nerd jokes (650): Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon... |
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| Posted by Nick Jerimiah on 07-Aug-2005 | Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon...Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry
is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
- Mike Adams
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| Posted by Smith on 13-Aug-2005 | A really stupid frog jokeA teacher had a 5-year-old come up to her and said that he found a frog. The teacher asked, "Is the frog alive or dead?"
The student replied, "It's dead."
The teacher then asked, "How do you know for sure?"
The boy said, "I pissed in its ear."
Aghast, the teacher said, "You did what?"
He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So, it must be dead."
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| Posted by I don't have a penis on 12-Aug-2005 | What do you get?what do u get with a monkey and a dog?
a Donkey! u idiot
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