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| Posted by Lisa R. Schwarz on 14-Aug-2005 | Dogs vs. CatsA dog thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me.
They must be Gods!"
A cat thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me
with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. I must be a
God!"
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| Posted by jeff on 14-Aug-2005 | Dead DobermanA highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and
clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the
Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out
through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the
quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog
just killed it, sir."
"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do
you have?"
"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week old puppy."
"Bull!" roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my Doberman?"
"It appears that he choked on it, sir."
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| Posted by Courtney L. van Emmerik on 14-Aug-2005 | Music for a movieJerry was hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he was
excited. He was especially thrilled because he got to take two long solos.
After the sessions, which went wonderfully, Jerry couldn't wait to see the
finished product. He asked the producer where and when he could catch the
film.
A little embarrassed, the producer explained that the music was for a
porno flick that would be out in a month, and he told Jerry where he could
go to see it.
A month later, Jerry, with his collar up and wearing glasses, went to the
theatre where the picture was playing. He walked in and sat way in the
back, next to an elderly couple who also seem to be disguised and hiding.
The movie started, and it was the filthiest, most perverse porno flick
ever...group sex, S&M, golden showers...and then, halfway through, a dog
got in on the action.
Before anyone could blink an eye, the dog has had sex with all the women,
in every orifice, and most of the men. Embarrassed, Jerry turned to the
old couple and whispered, "I'm only here for the music."
The woman turned to Jerry and whispered back, "That's okay, we're just
here to see our dog."
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| Posted by Sarah Sanchez on 14-Aug-2005 | The Matling BullA man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading
down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first
bull and his sign stated, "This bull mated 50 times last
year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50
times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated, "This bull
mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and
says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5
times a month. You can learn from this one also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said, "This bull
mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and
says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A
DAY! You could really learn from this one."
The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it
was 365 times with the same cow."
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| Posted by Andrew Bruno on 14-Aug-2005 | Cat and the SaurcerIn front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little
kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a
start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery.
He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not
for sale." said the proprietor.
"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm
eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."
"It's a deal." said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten on the spot.
"For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer." said the
connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it."
"Nothing doing." said the proprietor firmly. "That's my lucky saucer. From
that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 cats."
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| Posted by Emi J. LaLa on 14-Aug-2005 | 3 Blind MiceThree mice walk into a bar and sit down, one right after the
other. They order a round of Vodka for themselves and start to
talk.
The first mouse guzzles the drink and says, "I set off mouse
traps just for fun."
Then the second mouse drinks his and says, "Oh yeah? I ground up
those poison pills they try to give us and snort 'em."
Then, the third mouse gulps down his drink, puts his coat on,
and walks out. The other two mice yell, "Where in the Hell do
you think you're goin'?"
The mouse replys: "To go fuck the cat."
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