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| Posted by Elby on 12-Aug-2005 | Don't eat and drive!I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large new motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich!
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| Posted by Hugh Jass on 12-Aug-2005 | Wrong instructions.A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter`s plane. She had just come back from a far away land trying to find adventure.
As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband.
The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed,
"I said for you to marry a Rich Doctor! a Rich Doctor!"
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| Posted by Xerxes on 12-Aug-2005 | What a Bonehead!Several years ago we had an intern who was not very swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary.
"I'm almost out of typing paper," he said. "What do I do?"
"Just use copy machine paper," she said to him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining piece of blank typing paper, put it in the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies!
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| Posted by Carol Peanut on 12-Aug-2005 | The idiot drunk!An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest was another, and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard, who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the hell was that all about?"
Still staring down, the drunk replied, "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost!"
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| Posted by hairymouth on 12-Aug-2005 | DUMB Questions Part 2!How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock?
If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked?
If athletes get athlete??™s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?
If I save time, when do I get it back?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?
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| Posted by ALISHA CALLOWAY on 12-Aug-2005 | DUMB Questions Part 5!Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
Why do your feet smell and your nose runs?
Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic...shouldn't they already know you're coming?
Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why don't they just use fattest man in the world for a hockey goalie?
Why don??™t you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman??™s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why was Evelyn Wood in such a hurry?
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