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| Posted by Teresa Jeffries on 11-Aug-2005 | Drunk CheerleaderMichael Irvin was complaining to Calvin Williams about his first trip to the Super Bowl and how hard it was to get any sleep the night before the big game. "I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk cheerleader banging on the door and screaming," he recalled.
"That's terrible," said Williams. "How'd you ever get any sleep?"
"At five o'clock I finally unlocked the door and let her out," replied Irvin.
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| Posted by Green Hornet on 14-Aug-2005 | Cup Final FanIts cup final day at wembly, Manchester Utd Vs Liverpooland &
Pete is dissapointed with his seat as he misses Manchester's
First goal and his view was blocked from Liverpools goal by a
bald mans head. At the Half Hour mark, Pete looks down at the
front row and spots an empty seat . He walks down and sits in
the seat. "What a great seat! why would you buy a seat like this
and not turn up?" the man replys "the seats mine, i bought it
for my wife but she died on wednesday so i am here alone. it is
the first final without her for 35 years." "Couldn't you have
given the ticket to a son or daughter then?" asks Pete. The Bald
man replys "Oh No. They are all at the funeral!"
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| Posted by mooseman on 14-Aug-2005 | Randy Moss JokeWhat is the difference between Randy Moss and a dollar.
You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
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| Posted by DJ Kooney on 12-Aug-2005 | Saddam is still aliveFollowing the most recent coalition bombing raid Saddam appeared in a videoed address to the Iraqi people:
\"...and to prove I am still alive I will say the Liverpool played shite on Saturday\".
A spokesman for the British Goverment said \"That proves nothing - it could have been recorded months ago\".!
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| Posted by toby666 on 14-Aug-2005 | Wish to Build a WallThere's a Chelsea fan, a Manchester Utd and a Liverpool fan
walking along a beach. The Chelsea fan trips over something half
buried in the sand. Sure enough, in true joke fasion, it's a
magic lamp, and the Chelsea fan rubs it. Poooof! A genie appears
and grants him 3 wishes. He decides to give his friends a wish
each and the Chelsea fan goes first.
"We've had a ban run in Europe this season so next year, I want
to qualify for the Champions League and win it."
A click of the genie's fingers and the wish is duly granted.
Next it's the Manc's turn.
"Right, our kid.", he says to the genie," I want a fucking great
big wall all the way around Manchester to keep those Scouse
bastards out!"
"Granted!" booms the genie, and the wall appears around
Manchester.
Finally, the Scouser steps up and asks, "This wall...how high is
it?"
"200 feet high" answers the genie.
"Any doors in it" continues the quizical Liverpool fan.
"Nope."
"Windows?"
"Nope."
"Right!", says the Scouser, "Flood the Bastard!"
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| Posted by Some One on 14-Aug-2005 | Gone Fishin'A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department
store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world - you could get
anything there.
The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"
"Yes, I was a salesman in the country," said the lad. The boss liked the
cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you
when we close up.
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came
around.
The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"
"One" said the young salesman.
"Only one" blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale worth?"
"One hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars" said the
young man.
"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well," said the salesman, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish
hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him
a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where
he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably
need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that
twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen
probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department
and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that
to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"
"No," answered the salesman. "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his
wife and I said to him,"Your weekend's fucked, you may as well go fishing."
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