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():nerd jokes (650): Dumb & Dumber Part 912,321,654..... |
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| Posted by math jokes on 13-Aug-2005 | Dumb & Dumber Part 912,321,654.....Further evidence that if you try to make something 'Idiot Proof,' the universe will invent better idiots.... Herewith, some [more] evidence that the gene pool may need a little chlorine: ----------
Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
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I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. --------
Warning!
At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card / bank card readers at the checkout stands. If you don't know how to orient your card to swipe it through the reader, the checkout person will say, 'Strip down, face toward me.' Editor's Note: Am I wrong, or is this just asking for trouble?
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A customer at a sub shop ordered 'a small soda.' The owner responded, 'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have small, just medium and large.' (Both cost 99 cents.) The kicker came when the customer, a rather well-dressed business type, disappointedly said, 'Okay, I guess I'll just have to have the medium then.'
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Idiots and Geography:
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, Really? Where is Monosyllabia?'
Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, 'Oh, you mean over by Croatia?' --------
Advice for Idiots: An actual tip from page 16 of the HP 'Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees.'
'Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.' --------
Idiots in the Neighborhood
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there. ------------
Idiots and Computers:
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:
'I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?' --------
Idiots Are Easy To Please
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. ---------
Idiots In Food Services
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. --------
Idiots Do Math:
A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, 'She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember.'
So someone else (okay, it was me) said, 'That's neat... So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?' My co-worker thought about that, and then said, 'Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years.'
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11 people have rated this joke: |
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():nerd jokes (650): After I stopped by this company's booth at... |
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| Posted by W Wilkinson on 07-Aug-2005 | After I stopped by this company's booth at...After I stopped by this company's booth at the recent CD-ROM
conference, the following letter arrived here from a major CPU
manufacturer...
Dear Mr. Rubinsky:
Thank you for your [company name] literature order.
We are very sorry, but the following items that you have requested are
currently on backorder:
PRODUCT CODE DESCRIPTION EXPECTED ARRIVAL DATE
T217 Dear Customer Cover Letter FOUR WEEKS
Your order will be filled at the earliest possible date. In the
meantime, your patience in regard to this matter is greatly
appreciated.
Please feel free to call our Literature Distribution Center at
[800-number]. Our operators will be happy to help you place an order
for any additional literature, or refer you to your nearest [company
name] sales office to help you with any technical questions regarding
our products. If you call to check the status of your order, please
reference your order #[number].
Again, thank you for your order, and we hope to be of service to you in
the future.
Sincerely,
[empty space here]
[company name] Literature Distribution Center
Curiously, one week earlier I received the literature I had requested
-- without a cover letter.
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1 people have rated this joke: |
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():nerd jokes (650): Top 12 things likely to be overheard if you... |
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| Posted by barbara coleman on 07-Aug-2005 | Top 12 things likely to be overheard if you...Top 12 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon
Programmer
- "Specifications are for the weak and timid!"
- "This machine is a piece of gagh! I need dual Pentium processors
if I am to do battle with this code!"
- "You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in
the original Klingon."
- "Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your
skull!"
- "What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software
'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of
designers and quality assurance people in its wake."
- "Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have
'arguments' - and they always win them."
- "Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle
the weak."
- "I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth
contest. They will not concern us again."
- "A true Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!"
- "By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my
family... Prepare to die!"
- "You question the worthiness of my code?
I should kill you where you stand!"
- "Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it!
Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!"
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():nerd jokes (650): There is no difference between theory and... |
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| Posted by dawn whispers on 07-Aug-2005 | There is no difference between theory and...There is no difference between theory and practice in theory, but there is
often a great deal of difference between theory and practice in practice.
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():nerd jokes (650): Entropy isn't what it used to be.... |
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| Posted by Sam J. Wasserman on 07-Aug-2005 | Entropy isn't what it used to be....Entropy isn't what it used to be.
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():nerd jokes (650): Two engineering students were walking across... |
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