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():nerd jokes (650): DUMB Questions Part 1!


Posted by dave j. lochner on 12-Aug-2005

DUMB Questions Part 1!

A stitch in time saves nine. Nine what?
Are there any unguided missiles?
Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?
How can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Do fat people go skinny-dipping or do they call it fat-dipping?
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
Do hummingbirds hum because they don??™t know the words?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
When they asked George Washington for his ID, did he just whip out a quarter?
Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?
Does that screwdriver really belong to Phillip?
How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
   

2 people have rated this joke:
6.50/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): The Apple Pie Joke


Posted by Hansen H. Lieu on 12-Aug-2005

The Apple Pie Joke

There are two talking apple pies in the oven... one says, boy it sure is hot in here!"
The other says, "OH MY GOD!! A TALKING APPLE PIE!!"
   

5 people have rated this joke:
6.40/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): Entropy isn't what it used to be....


Posted by Sam J. Wasserman on 07-Aug-2005

Entropy isn't what it used to be....

Entropy isn't what it used to be.
   

13 people have rated this joke:
6.38/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?...


Posted by Dan Stepansky on 07-Aug-2005

What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?...

What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

   

2 people have rated this joke:
6.00/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): I Didn't Even Know!


Posted by Austin Garrison on 12-Aug-2005
I Didn't Even Know!
Three drunks were sitting at a bar.
The first one said... "I went in my daughter's room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes."

He paused. "I didn't even know she smoked!"

The second drunk said... "I can beat that! I went into my daughters room, looked in the closet and found a case of beer. I didn't even know she drank!"

The first two looked at the third as he begin to speak..
"I can beat that! I went into my daughter's room and looked under her pillow. I found a pack of condoms!!!"

He paused...
"I didn't even know she had a penis!!!"
   

6 people have rated this joke:
5.83/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): Stupid Nurse


Posted by Taija on 13-Aug-2005
Stupid Nurse
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy. 'She's incredibly mixed up,' said one doctor. 'She does everything absolutely backwards.

Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!'

The second doctor said, 'That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!'

Suddenly, they hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall. 'Oh my God!', said the first doctor, 'I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!'


   

4 people have rated this joke:
5.75/10
     

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