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| Posted by Jeff R. Janney on 13-Aug-2005 | Dumbass RedneckOne Day A fat Redneck walks into a bar And Orders a Beer. Once the bartender Brings him his beer He stands up and Pisses in it. The Bartender Perplexed ask "Why did u piss in ur beer". The man Replies This isnt my Drink. The Bartender says "o playing a prank eh"? The guy Replies "Ya" Ive put gold in the bottom of the class". "Gold? the Bartender says Thats not urine"? Quickly the bartender swoops down the drink. and is dissapointed not to find gold. The man smiles And hands the Bartender a note. "Toldya I was playing a prank u dumbass".
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():nerd jokes (650): T-Shirt of the future #385:... |
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| Posted by Jared A. Stevenson on 12-Aug-2005 | Nok noknok nok ! whose there? banana banana who? nok nok whose there banana banana who? nok nok let me guess its banana? Nope ok i\'ll anwser the door then. WHO IS IT THIS TIME? Its Orange. OH YEAH ORANGE WHO? Orange you glad i didn\'t say banana ?
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| Posted by Alycia Dufresne on 13-Aug-2005 | Just Like HomeAn ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. Until the boat sank. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing ... only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months he is lying on the beach one day, when the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen rows up to him.In disbelief, he asked her: 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'
'I rowed from the other side of the island,' she said, 'I landed here when my cruise ship sank.'
'Amazing,' he said, 'You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.'
'Oh, this?' replied the woman 'I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island, the oars were whittled from Gumtree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.'
'But-but, that's impossible,' stuttered the man, 'you had no tools or hardware, how did you manage?'
'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman, 'on the South side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware.'
The guy was stunned. 'Let's row over to my place, ' she said. As she docked, the man looked onshore, and nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk Leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven Hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walked into the house, she said casually 'It's not much, but I call it home. Please do sit down. Would you like a drink?'
'No, no thank you' he said, still dazed, 'can't take any more coconut juice.' 'It's not coconut juice,' the woman replied. 'I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?'
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take A shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.'
No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. 'This woman is amazing,' he mused, 'what next?'
When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned him to sit down next to her. 'Tell me,' she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know...' She stared into his eyes.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing! 'You mean?--,' he replied, '-I can check my e-mail from here?'
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():nerd jokes (650): Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson |
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