|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Cassie Flory on 12-Aug-2005 | Dyslexic PimpHeard about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse!
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Gary E. Suter on 13-Aug-2005 | Newfie JokeTwo fellows are running a store and decide to have a big blow-out clearance sale. Within 3 hours, everything is sold from the store. The one fellow says to the other, 'Well, what now? We've sold everything.'
The other replies, 'Dont worry, there's this newfie who comes in here everyday. We'll have a few laughs on him.'
Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, newf comes walking in , hands in pockets, looking around. 'Tell me lads', asks the newfie, 'what have ya for sale today?'
One of the fellows says, 'Well we're having a sale on arseholes!'
Newfie says, 'Well ya must be doing pretty good, ya only got two left!'
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():nerd jokes (650): How to get out of anext speeding ticket! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Courtney A. Owen on 12-Aug-2005 | How to get out of anext speeding ticket!A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk?
Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():nerd jokes (650): Truth and Simplicity are inversely... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Olga Baczynski on 07-Aug-2005 | Truth and Simplicity are inversely...Truth and Simplicity are inversely related
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Edward Haskett on 13-Aug-2005 | TRUCKI can remember my fathers last words,
"OH SHIT A TRUCK!"
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Butter Fly on 12-Aug-2005 | The mental hospitalAn english, irish and scottish man all admitted to a mental hospital.the doctor came around to check if they are well enough to leave.
The first patient he came to was the english man and he found he was throwing his arms up and down in the air. he asks "what on earth are you doing?" the english man replies "taking the stars out of the sky!" so the doctor replies "your staying put".
The next patient he came to was the scottish man and he found he to was throwing his arms up and down in the air, he asks "wot are you doing?" the scottish man replies "putting the stars back up into the sky!" so the doctor replies your staying put".
the next patient he came to was the irish man and he found him on the floor sitting up making car noises, he asks "wot in gods name are you doing?" the irish man replies "im getting the fuck out of here, everyones gone fucking mental".
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
