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Ebonics X-mas

An Ebonics X-mas The Night Befo' Crizmus
Wuz da night befo Crizmus An all thru da hood Everybody be sleepin' Dey was sleepin real good

We hunged up our stockins An hoped like all heck Dat 'ol Sanny Claws Gonna brang us our check

All of da fambly Wuz layin in beds While Thunderbird wine Danced thru dere heds

I dun passed out on ze flo' Right nex to my maw When I heared such a fuss I thunk - it mus be da law

I looked out thru da bars What could I now do I was spectin the sherrif With a warrent for sho'

And what did I see Made me say, "Lawd look at dat" Dere was a huge watahmelon Pulled by 8 big ass rats

Now ober all da years Sanny Claws he be white But it looks like us bros Get a black Sanny tonite

Faster dan a po lice car My homeboy he came He whupped up on dem rats As he called dem be name

On Leroy, On Roosevelt On Virvus, On Willie On Yolanda, On Crayola On Kiesha, and Nefrotilly

An 'ol Sanny landed dat watahmelon Out dere in da street I knowed it fo shu Da damnest ting I eber did seed

Dat black Sanny didn't go down no chimbly He picked da lock on my do' An I sez to myeslf "Shit - He dis befo'

He had did big bag Full of prezents I speck Wif Air Jordans and fake gold To wear roun my nek

But he left no prezents Jus started stealin my shit Got my guns, got my crack Eben my burgler's kit

Wit my shit in his bag Out da windo he flew I sho woulda chased him But he got my knife too

He jumped on dat watahmelon Wit out a hitch He wuz gone in a second That son of a bitch

So nex year I be hopin' A white Sanny we git 'Cause a black Sanny Claws Jus ain't worf a shit!

7 people have rated this joke:

3.57/10


	():holiday jokes (333): Maxine's Top Ten New Years Resolutions...

Posted by Liz M. Whitt on 09-Aug-2005

Maxine's Top Ten New Years Resolutions...

Maxine's Top Ten New Years Resolutions

Skip exercise every day instead of just three times a week.

Call one of my relatives every day. Call one a doofus, call one a bonehead,
call one a jerkwood, call one a...

Go to the park more often to feed the pigeons...to the cat.

Stop eating so much high-fat fast food and eat more high-fat home cooking.

Expand my horizons with travel. In other words, use the upstairs bathroom
more.

Reread all my favorite novels. And this time read the whole book, not just
the steamy underlined parts.

Force myself to stop watching so much trashy TV. Rent trashy movies instead.

Teach Floyd a new trick, and remember to rotate which neighbors yard he does
it in.

Clean the house more often. Once a millennium just isn't enough.

And my Number One New Years Resolution:

Only moon people who absolutely, one hundred percent deserve it. So that's
still pretty much everybody.

2 people have rated this joke:

3.50/10


	():holiday jokes (333): The Australian Christmas

Posted by Bradley H. Stanley on 09-Aug-2005

The Australian Christmas

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh
Never have a white Christmas
When you in Melbourne live
Wearing hot pants on the beach
When you your presents give

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh

Chestnuts roasting on the sidewalk
Castles in the sand
Eating ice-cream, having good talks
Warm Christmas, isn't that grand?

4 people have rated this joke:

3.25/10


	():holiday jokes (333): How Do Sheeps Say Merry Christmas?

Posted by Sam Patrick on 14-Aug-2005

How Do Sheeps Say Merry Christmas?

How do sheeps in Mexico said Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad.

(Feliz Navidad)

2 people have rated this joke:

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	():holiday jokes (333): Santa's Pick Up Lines

Posted by WhlteFlre on 14-Aug-2005

Santa's Pick Up Lines

* I know when you've been bad or good, so let's skip the small talk,
sister!

* Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

* Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

* Some of my best toys run on batteries...

* I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do
you?

* Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "nice AND naughty" list!

* Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

* That's not a candy cane in my pocket, honey. I'm just glad to see you!

1 people have rated this joke:

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