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| Posted by Cory A. Froke on 08-Aug-2005 | Elephant Fall Into a Deep PitThis joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realizes that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream.
By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: "Don't worry, I am going to save you".
The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle. The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his Red Porsche. He throws a rope from the Porsche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause).
So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger). As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking thru' the jungle and hears the screaming of a chicken. He wanders over and sees that his friend the chicken is stuck in a pit. (ohh, gosh)
The elephant shouts "Don't worry chicken I will save you".
So the elephant throws his tail into the pit. However this tail is too small and the chicken cannot reach it. Undeterred by this, the elephant throws in his trunk, but, alas this also is too small. As a last desperate effort the elephant throws in his his penis. Sucess! The chicken grabs the elephants enormous penis and climbs out to safety.
Moral of the story: "If you have a big dick you don't need a red Porsche to pull a chick."
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| Posted by Silly Goose on 08-Aug-2005 | Quiz For My Smart FriendsThis is a quiz to see if you should be considered a 'professional smart person' by your friends.
You can scroll down for answers. There are 4 questions. They are not that difficult.
1)How do you put an elephant into a refridgerator?
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Answer: Open the door, put in the elephant, and close the door.
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2)How do you put a giraffe into a refridgerator?
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Answer: Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
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3)The animals are having an animal meeting. All the animals attend except for one. Which one does not attend?
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Answer:The giraffe. The giraffe is in the refridgerator.
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4)You must cross a crocodile-infested river. How do you manage it?
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Answer:You swim across. All of the animals are attending the animal meeting.
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| Posted by alison robichaux on 08-Aug-2005 | Aren't You Sorry?An old woman saved a Fairy's life. To repay this, the Fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.
For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.
For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. "Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.
For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The Fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.
The old lady and the Fairy said their goodbyes.
After the Fairy left, the handsome man (old cat) strolled over to her and asked, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?!!!"
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| Posted by Tim Smith on 08-Aug-2005 | The little puppyOne day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track.
He fell asleep,and while he was sleeping his tail ended up on the rail, and by that time a train came along and cut off the very tip of his tail. He looked around to see what happen and the train cut off his head.
Do you know what the moral of the story is?
Dont lose your head over a little piece of tail!
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| Posted by Stacy K on 08-Aug-2005 | Bill The DuckA duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "Gimme a chap stick."
The pharmacist asks the duck, "Will that be cash or charge?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill."
The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, "Give me a box of condoms."
The clerk says, "Do you want me to also put them on your bill?"
The duck says, "Hell no, I'm not that kind of duck!"
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| Posted by Squall on 08-Aug-2005 | The parrot who wouldn\'t talk.A person wanted a parrot who talked. Going to the pet store, this lover of talking parrots asked if there was a bird who was already speaking.
"Yes," the pet store owner said, "this bird has a vocabulary of about 1000 words plus 50 phrases guaranteed to fit most occasions."
The deal was made and the parrot was brought home complete with a cage. The next day the purchaser went back and said the parrot had yet to say a word.
"That's to be expected," said the pet shop owner. "Try getting the bird a few of the toys that were here for the bird to use in the shop. It just needs to feel at home with you." Toys were purchased and a day went by. The parrot's owner returned and said there still had been no talking.
"I see," said the pet shop owner. "Perhaps if you got a bird bath, the parrot would start to talk while using it." A bird bath was purchased and yet another day went by. The next day the owner was back with the same complaint. This time the pet shop owner mentioned that sometimes the bird had been praised in its training by being allowed to ring a little bell.
The parrot's owner bought the bell reluctantly. The following day the parrot's owner was there waiting as the store opened. "Still no luck?" asked the store owner.
"No. Nothing said yet," answered the bird's owner. "Well, I bet the bird's just lonesome for some of the birds here at the shop." "What? You want me to buy another bird!?!" yelped the unhappy owner of the parrot.
"No, no, calm down," reassured the store owner. "All you have to do is get a mirror and the bird will think it has a companion."
At last the sale of a mirror was agreed upon. The pet store owner the next day opened the store and found the troublesome customer had returned ... this time with the parrot, only it was dead! "What happened?" asked the store owner, "Didn't the bird ever talk?"
"Yes, right before it died it said: What's the matter? Don't they sell birdseed at the pet store anymore?"
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