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| Posted by Insane Wizard on 09-Aug-2005 | Emergency brakeAn Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
???Ma??™am, I??™m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning,??? the policeman says. ???You have a broken reflector on your buggy.???
???I??™ll tell my husband as soon as I get home,??? the Amish woman replies.
???Also,??? continues the officer, ???one of your reins is looped around the horse??™s balls. That??™s animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that too!???
So the lady goes home and tells her husband about her encounter. ???Well, dear, what exactly did the officer say???? the Amish man asks.
???He said the reflector is broken.???
???I can fix that in two minutes. What else????
???I??™m not sure . . . something about the emergency brake.???
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Samuel P. Wilson on 09-Aug-2005 | Coffee & a blow jobIn a commercial flight, the captain announces that there is turbulence and that the passengers should buckle their seatbelts.
After the announcement, he turns to his co-pilot and says, "I sure could use a nice cup of coffee and a blow-job right about now," not realizing that the intercom is still on.
A stewardess dashes up the aisle to tell him that the intercom was on.
Just before she reaches the doorway, a guy in back yells, "Hey babe, don't forget the coffee!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Sarah Magruder on 09-Aug-2005 | Them TexansThe National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years.
The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by mehru batra on 09-Aug-2005 | The wrong wayAs a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by The Funny Jokester Guy on 09-Aug-2005 | Circle flyAn old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper.
"You were speeding," the cop said. "I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
"Yep," the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.
"These flies are terrible," the trooper complained.
"Yep," the farmer said. "Those are circle flies."
"What's a circle fly?"
"Them flies that circle a horse's ass," answered the farmer. "Them are circle flies."
"You wouldn't be calling me a horse's ass, would you?" The trooper angrily asked.
"Nope, I didn't," the farmer replied. "But you just can't fool them flies.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Matthew J. Rosen on 09-Aug-2005 | Lights outA man arrived at a seaside hotel where he had made a reservation rather late at night.
All the lights were out, so he knocked on the door.
After a long time a light appeared in an upstairs window and a woman called out, "Who are you? What do you want?"
"I'm staying here!"
"Stay there, then," she retorted, and slammed the window shut!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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