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| Posted by Rebecca j. Mallett on 09-Aug-2005 | Enter the Pearly GatesThree men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
Answer... "They're Carol's."
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| Posted by Freak in snow on 09-Aug-2005 | Question and answer Christmas jokeQ: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
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| Posted by sexy bugger on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to confuse Santa Claus8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("
11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
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| Posted by Samuel P. Wilson on 09-Aug-2005 | I just had a dream about itA young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
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| Posted by Pablo The Spicy Latin on 09-Aug-2005 | Question and answer Christmas jokeQ: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
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| Posted by sarah l. mellor on 14-Aug-2005 | Twelve Days Of ChristmasRead this in the songs toon from the last one (12) to the first
one (1). I know you know the song.
1. One homosexual cow
2. Two fake nipples
3. Three genital warts
4. Four ballhairs
5. FIVE ORGASMS
6. Six candied dildos
7. Seven flavored condoms
8. Eight pimps-a-playing
9. Nine prison bitches
10. Ten dogs-a-humping
11. Eleven hookers hooking
12. Twelve crackheads tweaking
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