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| Posted by Lindy Meyer on 10-Aug-2005 | ExamUNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM-
FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
(Time Limit: 3 Weeks)
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the
first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on
the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George
the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain the Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK
LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
(a) NewYork
(b) Florida
(c) Canada
(d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for? *You must answer
three or more questions correctly to qualify*
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| Posted by APRIL L. PALMER on 10-Aug-2005 | ART OF GRADINGHere is a list of the ways professors grade their final exams:
DEPT OF STATISTICS:
- All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
- Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them
in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to
mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY:
- All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
- What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL:
- Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an
A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
- Grades are variable.
DEPT OF LOGIC:
- If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has
accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student
will not receive an A.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
- Random number generator determines grade.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT:
- Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play
the corresponding note. (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively)
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| Posted by fLy gIrL on 10-Aug-2005 | Things that i learned in college- That it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class; I'd sleep right
through it.
- That I could change so much and barely realize it.
- That college kids throw airplanes too.
- That if you wear polyester everyone will ask you, "Why are you so dressed
up?"
- That every clock on campus shows a different time.
- That if you were smart in high school--so what?
- That I would go to a party the night before a final.
- That Chemistry labs require more time than all my classes put together.
- That you can know everything and fail a test.
- That you can know nothing and ace a test.
- That I could get used to almost anything I found out about my roommate.
- That MOST of my education would be obtained outside of my classes.
- That I would be one of those people my parents warned me about.
- That free food served until 10:00 is gone by 9:50.
- That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
- That Psychology is really Biology, and that Biology is really Chemistry,
- That Chemistry is really Physics, and Physics is really Math.
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| Posted by Tommy Fischer on 10-Aug-2005 | MAKING THE TEAMA sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class.
The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Why are you
wearing a football jersey?"
She replied, "Why, I bought it and own it, why shouldn't I wear it?"
He said, "You're not supposed to wear it unless you've made the team."
"Oh," she replied sweetly, "Who did I miss?"
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| Posted by Sam Gank on 10-Aug-2005 | What is their best option?1) Zelda and Jane were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If
their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of 1/2 mile
per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in
public?
2) Michael has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his
self-esteem is reduced by 20% per dysfunctional parent, but Michael feels 3%
better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before he's ready
to go home if 1 person walks by the cafe every 2 minutes?
3) Sanjeev has 7 piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on a given
day is 10% per piercing, what is the likelihood Sanjeev will need to renew his
erythromycin prescription during the next week?
4) Chad wants to take half a pound of heroin to Orinda and sell it at a 20%
profit. If it originally cost him $1,500 in food stamps, how much should Nicole
write the check for?
5) The City and County of San Francisco decide to destroy 50 rats infesting
downtown. If 9,800 animal rights activists hold a candlelight vigil, how many
people did each dead rat empower?
6) A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock, and a white sock are tossed
randomly in a drawer. What is the likelihood that the first two socks drawn will
be socks of color?
7) George weighs 245 pounds and drinks two triple lattes every morning. If
each shot of espresso contains 490mg of caffeine, what is George's average
caffeine density in mg/pound?
8) There are 4500 homes in Mill Valley and all of them recycle plastic. If
each household recycles 10 soda bottles a day and buys one polar fleece pullover
per month, does Mill Valley have a monthly plastic surplus or deficit? Bonus
question: Assuming all the plastic bottles are 1 liter size, how much Evian are
they drinking?
9) If the average person can eat one pork pot sticker in 30 seconds, and the
waitress brings a platter of 12 pot stickers, how long will it take five vegans
to not eat them?
10) Todd begins walking down Market Street with 12 $1 bills in his wallet. If
he always gives panhandlers a single buck, how many legs did he have to step
over if he has $3 left when he reaches the other end and met only one
double-amputee?
Advanced Placement Students Only
11) Katie, Trip, Ling, John-John and Effie share a three-bedroom apartment on
Guerrero for $2400 a month. Effie and Trip can share one bedroom, but the other
three need their own rooms with separate ISDN lines to run their web servers.
None of them wants to use the futon in the living room as a bed, and they each
want to save $650 in three months to attend Burning Man. What is their best
option?
a) All five roommates accept a $12/hour job-share as handgun monitors at
Mission High.
b) Ask Miles, the bisexual auto mechanic, to share Effie and Trip's bedroom
for $500/month.
c) Petition the Board of Supervisors to advance Ling her annual
digital-artists-of-color stipend.
d) Rent strike.
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():school humor (1428): Top 10 reasons why studying is better than sex |
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| Posted by Roy Covington III on 10-Aug-2005 | Top 10 reasons why studying is better than sex10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left
off.
8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened
it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book
teaser."
4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for
help!
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