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| Posted by Penguin66 on 14-Aug-2005 | expensive barbieA guy walks into the Toys-R-Us toy shop in downtown Cleveland
and says to the assistant: "Could you please show me your Barbie
dolls? My daughter's birthday is today and I have to get
something she will love!"
She says, "Certainly, sir. Here, we have:
*Fashion Barbie @ $15.95
*Vacation Barbie @ $15.95
*Housewife Barbie @ $15.95 and
*Divorcee Barbie @ $215.95!"
The guy asks in astonishment,"Why is "Divorcee Barbie so much?
She looks the same to me."
The assistant answers, "Well, sir, Divorcee Barbie comes
complete with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's golf clubs, his
season tickets to the Tribe and the Browns, his Gold MasterCard,
his yacht and his summer home."
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| Posted by Jenna L. Reed on 07-Aug-2005 | A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender,...A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots."
Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?"
The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's
for this little guy here," and he pulls a 3 inch man out of
his pocket.
The bartender asks "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the
little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing" says the bartender.
"What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down
to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The
little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter.
Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in
total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does
he talk?"
The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about
that time we were in Africa hunting and you called that witch
doctor a Nigger!"
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| Posted by Andrew Bruno on 08-Aug-2005 | knock knock jokesknock knock
who's there
interupting moo cow
interupting moooooooooo
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| Posted by The Funny Jokester Guy on 09-Aug-2005 | Understanding MenMen, summed up:
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW ... WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?
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| Posted by Ursula -. Rickmann on 09-Aug-2005 | Tricky QuestionsJon and Dan were in a mental institution.
This place had an annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions.
If they answered correctly, they were deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly.
The doctor said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"
Jon said, "I'd be half blind."
"That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind."
The doctor stood up, shook his hand, and told him he was free.
On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the questions to Dan.
He told him what questions would be asked and the answers. Dan was called in.
The doctor went through the formalities and asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
Dan, remembering what Jon had said, said, "I'd be half blind." The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on.
"What would happen if I cut off both your ears?" "I'd be completely blind."
"Dan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?" asked the doctor.
"Well," replied Dan, "if I didn't have any ears, my hat would fall over my eyes!"
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| Posted by fallen*starlight on 09-Aug-2005 | Morning PoemI woke early one morning, the earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird perched on my window sill.
He sang a song so lovely, so carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles began to slip away.
He sang of far off places, of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers, crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window and crushed his fucking head.
I'm not a morning person.
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