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| Posted by ELGUARDO on 14-Aug-2005 | Extreme Bumper Stickers Seen on CarsI don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
Keep honking while I reload.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
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| Posted by sarah fame on 14-Aug-2005 | Funny Quotes from Famous PeopleWomen need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
-Billy Crystal
If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: "I'm cheap!"
-Delta Burke
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men
are just grateful.
-Jay Leno
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle
maintenance.
-Tim Allen
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think
there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think,
"I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
-Jerry Seinfield
You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to
start all over again.
-Joan Rivers
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
-George Carlin
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At
the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
-Jeff Foxworthy
Men look at women the way men look at cars. Everyone looks at Ferraris.
Now and then we like a pickup truck, and we all buy station wagons.
-Tim Allen
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| Posted by Will Greer on 14-Aug-2005 | More quotes"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat
pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? 'Don't eat pork. God
has spoken.' Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to
outsmart everybody?" --Jon Stewart
"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in
the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how
to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to
swim.' " --Paula Poundstone
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up
quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is
the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" --Warren Hutcherson
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we
should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants
to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There
should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should
have to find you a temp." --Bob Ettinger
"When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary
and they would only play with each other." --Rita Rudner
"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on
the pumpkin." --Winston Spear
"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting
C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I
actually bought a congressman." --Bruce Baum
"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me
advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there." --Ron
Richards
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They
always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I
think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."
--Ellen DeGeneres
"I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what
to feed it." --Steven Wright
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color,
but to accept God's final word on where your lips end." --Jerry
Seinfeld
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in
New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but
it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.' " --Richard Jeni
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway
through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be
eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery
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| Posted by STEVIE on 14-Aug-2005 | Graffiti in the USAThe best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
* Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
Beauty is only a light switch away.
* Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's
Get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
* Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
* Rest stop off Route 81, WV
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of
putting up with her shit.
* Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC
To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
* Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats, Scottsdale, AZ
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
* Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
* Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, AZ
Make love, not war. - Hell, do both, get married!
God is dead. - Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. - God
* The Tombs Restaurant, Washington, DC
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
* Revolution Books, New York, NY
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going
to have trouble with it.
* Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
You're too good for him.
* Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly
Hills,CA
No wonder you always go home alone.
* Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly
Hills, CA
~~~~~ and from the once famous Bird House, Bird Creek, AK
(before it burnt down; south of Anchorage) -- hello Leroy!
These candy bars taste like cotton.
For sale or trade: one blind crab for one without teeth.
Birthdays come only once a year ... I'm glad I'm not a birthday.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
We aim to please: aim too please.
Is intercourse here to stay, or are people just screwing around?
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Help stamp out graffiti.
Graffiti is the 'handwriting on the wall'
Confuses say many who shits in the woods finds flies on his return.
Eat Shit: a billion flies can't be wrong.
Eat Sheep: a thousand Utah coyotes can't be wrong.
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| Posted by Keith Mc Laughlin on 14-Aug-2005 | Replies...I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they
make as they go flying by.
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved
through a suitable application of high explosives.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along
without it.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're
the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there
the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing
him again.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I
thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
My Reality Check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape
key.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut
butter.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like you are
crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
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| Posted by Beth Henry on 14-Aug-2005 | Famous Quotes"I thought it would make a wicked wave to surf on"
-Moses, talking about the real reason he parted the Red sea.
"Scattered showers my ass"
-Noah
"Bigamy is having one wife to many. Monogamy is the same"
-Oscar Wilde
"I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is getting better"
-any man who has been married
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals, I am a vegetarian because I
hate plants"
-A. Whitney Brown
"I told you I was Sick!"
-On a tombstone
"Gay Motherfucker!"
-English professor giving an example of an oxymoron
"What the hell are you trying to say?"
-any dog looking at its owner
"Time's fun when you're having flies"
-Kermit the Frog
"You want What on the fucking ceiling?"
-Michaelangelo
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