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():funny quotes (263): extreme bumper stickers


Posted by kornknot on 13-Aug-2005

extreme bumper stickers

:Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Keep honking while I reload.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

So... who lit the fuse on your tampon?

Support cannibalism -- EAT ME!

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ... or something like that.


   

2 people have rated this joke:
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():funny quotes (263): I think men who have a pierced ear are better...


Posted by Nathan Burns on 07-Aug-2005

I think men who have a pierced ear are better...

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

   

2 people have rated this joke:
6.00/10
     

():funny quotes (263): Norm Peterson's Famous Quotes (from TV's 'Cheers')


Posted by Star Shine on 13-Aug-2005

Norm Peterson's Famous Quotes (from TV's 'Cheers')

Norm Peterson's Famous Quotes (from TV's 'Cheers')
--------------------------------------------------

'Can I draw you a beer, Norm ?'
'No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.'

'How's a beer sound, Norm?'
'I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.'

'What's shaking, Norm?'
'All four cheeks and a couple of chins.'

'What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?'
'Going Down?'

'What's new, Normie?'
'Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're
demanding beer.'

'What'll it be, Normie?'
'Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.'

'What would you say to a beer, Normie?'
'Daddy wuvs you.'

'What'd you like, Normie?'
'A reason to live. Give me another beer.'

'What'll you have, Normie?'
'Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a
glass of whatever comes out of that tap.'
'Looks like beer, Norm.'
'Call me Mister Lucky.'

'What'd you say, Norm?'
'Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer.'

'What would you say to a beer, Norm?'
'Hiya, sailor. New in town?'

(Coming in from the rain)
'Evening, everybody.'
Everybody: 'Norm!'
'Still pouring, Norm?'
'That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.'

'Whaddya say, Norm?'
'Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink.'

'Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?'
'Like a baby treats a diaper.'

'Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?'
'No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.'

'How's life treating you?'
'It's not, Sammy, but you can.'

'What's the story, Mr. Peterson?'
'The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy
ending.'

'Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.'
'I know. If she calls, I'm not here.'

'Beer, Norm?'
'Have I gotten that predictable? Good.'

'What's going on, Mr. Peterson?'
'A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.''

'Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?'
'Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?'

'What's going on, Mr. Peterson?'
'Another layer for the winter, Wood.'

'Whatcha up to, Norm?'
'My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.'

'How's it going, Mr. Peterson?'
'Poor.'
'I'm sorry to hear that.'
'No, I mean pour.'

'How's life treating you Norm?'
'Like it caught me sleeping with its wife.'

'Women. Can't live with 'em....pass the beer nuts.'

'What's going down, Normie?'
'My butt cheeks on that bar stool.'

'Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?'
'Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty.'

'How's it going, Mr. Peterson?'
'It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing
Milk Bone underwear.'

'What's the story, Norm?'
'Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.'

'How's about a beer, Norm?'
'That's that amber sudsy stuff, right?
I've heard good things about it!'

'What's going on, Mr. Peterson?'
'The question is 'what's going in, Mr. Peterson?'
A beer please, Woody.'

'Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?'
'A little early isn't it, Woody?'
'For a beer?'
'No, for stupid questions.'


   

2 people have rated this joke:
6.00/10
     

():funny quotes (263): Best Things Ever Said


Posted by sam bobi on 14-Aug-2005

Best Things Ever Said

~Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.

~Sex is nobody's business except for the three people involved.

~Your chances of getting hit by lighting go up if you stand under a tree,
shake your fist at the sky, and say, "Storms suck!"

~If homosexuality were normal God would have created Adam and Bruce.

~Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

~France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the
toilet paper.

~Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.

~Groundhog Day has been observed only once in Los Angeles because when the
groundhog came out of its hole, it was killed by a mud slide.

~I hate people who keep dogs. They are the cowards that are afraid to bite
people themselves.

~Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.

   

4 people have rated this joke:
5.75/10
     

():funny quotes (263): Coffee Quote


Posted by Silly One on 13-Aug-2005
Coffee Quote
"It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity."

-- Dave Barry


   

11 people have rated this joke:
5.55/10
     

():funny quotes (263): It is not true that life is one damn thing...


Posted by jarmo two on 07-Aug-2005
It is not true that life is one damn thing...
It is not true that life is one damn thing after another.
It's one damn thing over and over.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

   

2 people have rated this joke:
5.50/10
     

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