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| Posted by William Cash on 14-Aug-2005 | Facts- At one time in Holland it took four years to train to be a hatmaker but
only three years to train to be a surgeon....
- Despite the many rat infested slums in New York City, only 311 people
are bitten by rats in an average year. But 1,519 residents are bitten
annually by other New Yorkers....
- No one knows why, but 90 percent of women who walk into a department
store immediately turn to the right....
- The term skyscraper was first used way back in 1888 to describe an 11
story building....
- Adults average only one nightmare a year, but typically have seven
sexual fantasies a day....
- There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people. The
kangaroo population is estimated at about 40 million....
- During his entire lifetime, Herman Melville's timeless classic of the
sea, 'Moby Dick', only sold 50 copies....
- The liver, not the heart, is the sign of romance in northern Morocco....
When a Moroccan girl falls in love she says, "Darling, you have stolen my
liver."
- Drivers tend to drive faster when other cars are around. It doesn't
matter whether they are in front, behind, or beside them....
- A small tribe named the Todas in southern India don't greet each other
with a handshake, they thumb their noses....
- The host team in an NFL football game must have 26 footballs inflated
and ready to play....
- The world's greatest lover was King Mongut of Siam. He had 9,000
wives.... Before dying of syphilis he was quoted as saying he only loved
the first 700....
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| Posted by chicky pie on 14-Aug-2005 | 2 MutesThere were two deaf mutes standing on a street corner talking to each
other with sign language.
Mute #1 (SIGN)"What would you like to do?"
Mute #2 (SIGN)"I don't know, what about you?"
Mute #1 (SIGN)"Let's get my car, find some girls, drive to a dark space
and have some fun."
Mute #2 (SIGN)"Good idea."
So they get in his car, find some girls, drive to a dark spot and are
having a ball when the guy in the back seat taps the guy in the front seat
on the shoulder.....
Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"What?"
Back Seat Mute (SIGN)"Have you got any protection?"
Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"No. Don't you?"
Back Seat Mute (SIGN)"No. We had better go to a drug store and get
some."
They proceed to drive to a drug store and the man in the back seat gets
out and goes inside. In 2 minutes he is back outside and taps on the car
window.
Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?"
Outside Mute (SIGN)"I've got a problem."
Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?"
Outside Mute (SIGN)"I can't make the druggist understand what I want."
Inside Mute (SIGN)"I know What to do."
Outside Mute (SIGN)"What?"
Inside Mute (SIGN)"Go back inside. Put five dollars on the counter. Put
your pecker on the counter. He'll know what you want."
Outside Mute (SIGN)"Good idea."
The man goes back into the drug store and 2 minutes later he's back at the
car window.
Inside Mute (SIGN)"Well?"
Outside Mute (SIGN)"It didn't work."
Inside Mute (SIGN)"What do you mean?"
Outside Mute (SIGN) "I did what you told me to do. I went inside. I put 5
dollars on the counter. I put my pecker on the counter. He put his on the
counter. His was bigger than mine. He took my 5 dollars."
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| Posted by Roy Covington III on 14-Aug-2005 | Half a Head of LettuceA man walked into a supermarket, asking to buy half a head of
lettuce. The stock boy told him that they only sold whole heads
of lettuce, but the man was insistent: he did not need a whole
head, only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager
about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some
asshole out there who wants to buy only a half a head of
lettuce." As he finished speaking, he turned around to find the
man standing right behind him, so he added, "--and this
gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Afterward, the manager said "You almost got yourself in a lot of
trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you
got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that
around here. Where are you from, son?"
"Texas, sir".
"Oh really? Why did you leave Texas?" Asked the manager.
The boy said, "Nothing but whores and ball players down there."
"Hey!" Said the manager, "My wife is from Texas!!"
"No kidding!" Says the boy. "What team did she play for?"
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| Posted by Hott Momma! on 14-Aug-2005 | Actual DirectionsThese are actual directions found on certain products around the
world!
1. Directions found on a bag of frito corn chips.
"You could be a winner!!! No purchase neccessary!!! Details
inside!"
you think to your self (Shoplifters special)
2. On Tesco's Tiramisu Desert (directions on bottom)
"Do not turn upsode down"
(Too late)
3. On Marks & Spncers Bread Pudding.
"Product will be hot after heating"
(Just as day follows night)
4. On most kinds of christmas lights.
"Indoor and outdoor uses ONLY"
(As opposed to what now?)
5. On Sainsbury's peanuts.
"WARNING CONTAINS NUTS!!!"
(Talk about your news flash)
6. Found on an American Airlines Packet of peanuts.
"Step One: Open packet. Step two: Eat nuts."
You think to your self (Step three: Fly Delta)
7. On a sweedish chinsaw.
"Warning! PLease do not try to stop with hands or
genitals!!"
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere!My GOD!)
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| Posted by Jose on 14-Aug-2005 | Mental InstitutionJon and Dan were in a mental institution. This place had an annual
contest, picking 2 of the best patients and giving them two questions. If
they got them correct, they're deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood
that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly.
The doctor said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"
Jon said, "I'd be half blind."
That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind."
The doctor stood up, shook his hand, and told him he was free.
On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned
the questions to Dan. He told him what questions would be asked and the
answers.
Dan was called in. The doctor went through the formalities and asked,
"What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
Dan, remembering what Jon had said, said, "I'd be half blind."
The doctor looked a litle puzzled, but went on. "What would happen if I
cut off both your ears?"
"I'd be completely blind."
"Dan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?"
"My hat would fall over my eyes."
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| Posted by Joe Skager on 14-Aug-2005 | Sign LanguageA construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a
handsaw. He sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to
him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language.
To do sign language, the man on the 3rd floor points at his eye
meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his
hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants,
and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry
he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the fuck is wrong
with you, dumb ass? I said I need a handsaw!"
The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you
I'm coming."
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