|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Lori Shake on 09-Aug-2005 | Fall-Down DrunkA man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.
"Screw it," he thought.
"I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?"
she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly.
"How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Dennis L. Spencer on 09-Aug-2005 | Female Hormones in BTwo men were in a pub. One man said, ''Did you know that beer contains female hormones?'' The other man said, ''No! Is it true?'' ''Yes,'' said the first man. ''If you drink too much, you start talking crap and you drive terribly.''
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Bruno B. Machado on 09-Aug-2005 | Get it StraightA cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, "Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Big A on 09-Aug-2005 | Get Your Ire UpThree Englishmen were getting soused in a pub, when they spotted an Irishman sitting off in the corner. To have a little fun, one of them approached him.
"Did y'know that St. Patrick was a sissy?"
"Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."
The man returned to his friends, complaining that it hadn't worked. The second decided to try.
"Did y'know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?"
"Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."
The second man returned to his friends, amazed that it hadn't worked. The third man knew he had the solution.
"Did y'know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?"
"Oh, no. But that's what y'r friends hae been trying to tell me."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Kitty K on 09-Aug-2005 | Give Me A DoubleSo this guy walks into a bar and says, ???Gve me two beers.???
The bartender obliges him.
The guy looks into his wallet and says, ???Give me two more beers.???
So the bartender gives him two more beers. The man went on like this until he had put down ten beers, and keeps on going in his wallet and asking for two more beers.
So the bartender asks, ???What's in your wallet that you keep looking at????
So the man opens his wallet and says, ???The more I drink, the prettier my wife gets.???
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by T E. S on 09-Aug-2005 | Got Any Grapes?A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''
Confused, the bartenders says no.
''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
