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| Posted by cherry lover on 09-Aug-2005 | Fast Dad!Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."
The second one says, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet."
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head.
He then says, "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Kyle Lusis on 09-Aug-2005 | God sent youOne day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues.
"Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief.
"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by Cristyn B. Militello on 09-Aug-2005 | IndifferentOne day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "Who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?"
The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows.
Finally, Little Johnny puts up his hand.
The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual innuendo, looks for another student to ask.
Finally, when no one else raises their hand, she says, "Yes, Johnny?"
"Miss Figpot, it means lovely."
Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"
"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mommy say, 'That's lovely'. Then Daddy said, 'Yep, it's in different.'"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by Tiffany Brown on 09-Aug-2005 | The bossKyle and Justin were about to eat with their baby sitter when 6-year-old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!"
"Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss."
Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you sit over there in Mommy's chair!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Aaron D. Fredrick on 09-Aug-2005 | Cow getting itLittle Johnnie is sitting on the fence, watching a bull with two cows.
The preacher walks up, and asks Johnnie what he is doing.
Johnnie replies, "I'm watching that bull fuck the black cow."
The preacher, aghast at the language, tells Johnnie that he should say that the bull is going to 'SURPRISE' the black cow.
Johnnie says, "OK." and the preacher leaves.
The next day, after church, the preacher is shaking hands with all the parishioners as they leave.
When Johnnie appears with his parents, the preacher kneels down, smiles, and says, "So, Johnnie, did the bull 'SURPRISE' the black cow?"
Johnnie replies, "He sure did! He fucked the white one!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Hysteria82 on 09-Aug-2005 | Passing gearA kid on a skateboard is being pulled down the sidewalk by his dog, which he's holding onto by the tail.
A woman stops him saying, "Sonny, couldn't you hold onto him some other way?"
"Yeah, I could," says the kid. "I could grab him by the balls, but I save that for passing gear!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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