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():school humor (1428): Final Exam


Posted by T E. S on 11-Aug-2005

Final Exam

A retiring Phys Chem professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well-kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet: "Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with proof."
He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. There are two possible conditions:

Condition One: if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose.
Conversely, Condition Two: if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me during my first year residence. Since I have still not been successful in obtaining sexual relations with her, condition two above has not been met, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and hell is exothermic.
   

16 people have rated this joke:
5.75/10
     

():school humor (1428): Canada vs. USA


Posted by French Fry Sweetie on 13-Aug-2005

Canada vs. USA

An American is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The American ignores the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:

Canadian: "You American folk eat the whole bread??" American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Canada, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Canadian has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Canadian persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Canadian: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Canada we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states."

The American then asks: "Do you have sex in Canada?"

Canadian: "Why of course we do", the Canadian says with a big smirk.

American: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Canadian: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Canada.


   

2 people have rated this joke:
5.50/10
     

():school humor (1428): Paper or Plastic?


Posted by J Burns on 12-Aug-2005

Paper or Plastic?

One day a guy went to a grocery store and the bagger boy asked him "Paper
or Plastic" and the man said, "Uh...paper I guess."

Then the bagger boy said your total is $56.35.

The man took out his wallet and said "Real or Counterfeit".
   

8 people have rated this joke:
5.38/10
     

():school humor (1428): Dirty Grand Canyon Riddle


Posted by Marie-Eve Gagne on 13-Aug-2005

Dirty Grand Canyon Riddle

Q: What do tourists pay guides to do at the grand canyon?

A: To let them mount their ass and ride in the crack!


   

3 people have rated this joke:
5.33/10
     

():school humor (1428): Georgie (Juvinile and sick)


Posted by Lioness Mage on 13-Aug-2005
Georgie (Juvinile and sick)
One night a little girl was having a bad dream so she goes into her dads room and climbs in.

She wakes up her dad-who is sleeping in the nude-and says "Daddy whats that?" And he said o thats Georgie." And falls back asleep.

The next morning he wakes up in the hospital with his daughter next to him and he asks "What happened?" And the girl answers "Georgie spit at me so I cut off his head."


   

3 people have rated this joke:
5.33/10
     

():school humor (1428): Little boy at a nude beach


Posted by LEXIELUVSU on 13-Aug-2005
Little boy at a nude beach
A little kid goes to a nude beach with his parents. He sees a naked girl and says "Mommy, mommy! That lady has bigger tits than you do!"

So his mom says "The bigger your tits are the dumber you are."

Then the little boy sees a naked guy and says "Mommy, mommy! That man has a bigger dick than daddy!"

So the mom says, "The bigger your dick is the dumber you are."

Then the little boy sees something else. He says, "Mommy, mommy! Daddy is talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and he keeps getting dumber and dumber!"


   

7 people have rated this joke:
5.29/10
     

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