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| Posted by panzer on 09-Aug-2005 | FishWhat does a fish use to get high?
Seaweed!
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| Posted by Mike J. Tecci on 09-Aug-2005 | Turtles and PicnicsThree turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady. Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless.
"I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. "NO!" Joe retorts.
"We promised."
Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock. "Just for that, I'm not going."
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| Posted by Wes Bundy on 09-Aug-2005 | Logically SpeakingIf consequences dictate our course of action, then it doesn't matter what's right or wrong. It only matters if you get caught.
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| Posted by Kyle Lusis on 09-Aug-2005 | Celibacy testThree young candidates who want to enter into religious life are told that they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.
The religious leader leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate. Even before she has begun to remove her veils: *Ting-a-ling* goes the little bell...
"Oh Albert," says the religious man, "I am so disappointed in your complete lack of self-control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness."
As Albert leaves, the dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops: *Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...
"Joshua, Joshua," sighs their elder.
"You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."
The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved.
"Richard, my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor.
"Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest. Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the shower."
*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...
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| Posted by Chris S. Porter on 09-Aug-2005 | CPRA lady had just finished taking a CPR course, and was on the lookout for a chance to try it out. As she left the shopping center, she saw a man lying on the floor with a lot of people around him.
Screaming, "I know CPR!", she ran to the person, threw her bag down, loosened all tight clothing and got ready to start mouth-to-mouth.
At this stage, a huge policeman tapped her on the shoulder and asked, "Do you mind, ma'am? I'm trying to arrest this man."
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| Posted by mehru batra on 09-Aug-2005 | WalletTwo fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet.
As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet.
Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in.
"That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting," remarked one of the fisherman.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
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