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| Posted by T E. S on 11-Aug-2005 | Final ExamA retiring Phys Chem professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well-kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet: "Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with proof."
He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. There are two possible conditions:
Condition One: if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose.
Conversely, Condition Two: if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me during my first year residence. Since I have still not been successful in obtaining sexual relations with her, condition two above has not been met, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and hell is exothermic.
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| Posted by Audrey K. Veneck on 08-Aug-2005 | College light bulbHow many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's what grad students are for
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| Posted by Mara - on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to confuse a roommateThese are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
115. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?"
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| Posted by Angie Baby on 10-Aug-2005 | The Lion Sleeps TonightThe Weenie Whacker Song
To the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
In the bedroom...the quiet bedroom
The Bobbitt sleeps tonight...
In the kitchen...the downstairs kitchen
Loraina grabs her knife...
(chorus)
Weenie wacker weenie wacker
Weenie wacker weenie wacker
Slashed his pee pee...his tiny pee pee
It left a nasty scar
Stuck his rocket into her pocket
And drove off in the car...
(repeat chorus)
Out the window...the Nissan window
She threw his shuttlecock
Then the cops came and found the unit
And outlined it with chalk...
(repeat chorus until sent to your room)
In the cooler...the Playmate cooler
They packed it up real tight
the doctor patched it...and reattached it
It still don't work quite right...
(repeat chorus until spanked)
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