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Food for a man

This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night. After a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. One Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. 'Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time.' She dashes out of her friend's house; her great hand forgotten on the table.

When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time. There is enough time to go to the supermarket and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf, just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it!

'Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day, yum!' And that night, they had sex for the first time in months and it was great.

Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified. 'You're going to kill him,' they'd all say.

Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. 'You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?'

The wife stoically replied, 'Ahh, I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantle while he was licking his rear.'

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	():nerd jokes (650): Anal Deodorant

Posted by Wai-San Kwan on 13-Aug-2005

Anal Deodorant

True story: A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store.

The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product.

The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety. The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, 'Push up bottom to use.'

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	():nerd jokes (650): Lost while hunting

Posted by Lady Love on 13-Aug-2005

Lost while hunting

Two men from Canada were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something. The first man says to the other, 'If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you.' After about three hours, the second man finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo. The next morning, the first man finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the first man if he did what he told him to do. The man answers, 'Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows.'

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