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Food Poisoning

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

30 people have rated this joke:

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	():funny quotes (263): Best Things Ever Said

Posted by sam bobi on 14-Aug-2005

Best Things Ever Said

~Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.

~Sex is nobody's business except for the three people involved.

~Your chances of getting hit by lighting go up if you stand under a tree,
shake your fist at the sky, and say, "Storms suck!"

~If homosexuality were normal God would have created Adam and Bruce.

~Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

~France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the
toilet paper.

~Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.

~Groundhog Day has been observed only once in Los Angeles because when the
groundhog came out of its hole, it was killed by a mud slide.

~I hate people who keep dogs. They are the cowards that are afraid to bite
people themselves.

~Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.

6 people have rated this joke:

4.17/10


	():funny quotes (263): "When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole

Posted by Lorelea on 09-Aug-2005

"When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole

Elaine Boosler

3 people have rated this joke:

4.00/10


	():funny quotes (263): Amendment 6

Posted by Elana on 14-Aug-2005

Amendment 6

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a
speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district
wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have
been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and
cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against
him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor,
and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.
- The Constitution of the United States of America Amendment 6, 1791

2 people have rated this joke:

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	():funny quotes (263): Goofy Sayings

Posted by Dennis's on 13-Aug-2005

Goofy Sayings

Everybody loves some bawdy sometime.

Definitions:
Hale-Bop.........Healthy Fuck
Heaven's Gate....Microsoft Mansion

"Man, that little bastard smells.
No wonder they call him Pooh."
-- Christopher Robin

Marauders 101:
Always remember to pillage & rape BEFORE you burn!

A lady is one who never shows her
underwear unintentionally.
-- American writer, Lillian Day (b. 1893)

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
(to some of you twits out there... don't bother
answering this question, IT'S JUST A JOKE!)

22 people have rated this joke:

3.91/10


	():funny quotes (263): "Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a...

Posted by Dr.16 on 07-Aug-2005

"Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a...

"Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a stop light, I imagine myself as Luke Skywalker, and I close my eyes and concentrate on using The Force. Sometimes I have to concentrate longer than others, but I know it works, 'cause the light always turns green."