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| Posted by The Purple Lady on 14-Aug-2005 | Forget-Me-NotAn Australian travel writer at the beginning of a 6-month tour
of Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he
paid his bill said to the manager, "By the way, what's with the
Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I
arrived."
"Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'." said the manager. "The
hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the
agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the
rest of his life. He is known as 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'
because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the
slightest detail of his life."
The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his
cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test.
"'g'day, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in
return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?"
"Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up,
and indeed the Aussie was impressed.
He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the
east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not's
great memory. (One local noted to him that 'How' was a more
appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than ''ello mate.') On
his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later was
surprised to see 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' still sitting in the
lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick.
"How?" said the Aussie to the Chief, who again did not stop to
look up.
"Scrambled." said the Chief.
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| Posted by Kelli M. Buckley on 14-Aug-2005 | The KissFour strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a
European train. Two men and two women faced each other.
One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 75 year old lady
who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to
her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old--who looked
like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across
from the older lady was a man in his late-forties who was a
highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the
Sergeant Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.
As these four strangers travelled, they talked and chatted about
trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there
they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound
of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud
slap could be heard throughout the cabin.
In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly
with their own thoughts.
The older lady was thinking, "Isn't it wonderful that even in
this permissive day and age there are still young women who have
a little self-respect and dignity?"
The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked
herself, "Why in the world would any man in his right mind want
to kiss an old fossil like that when I'm sitting here?"
The Sergeant Major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any
woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to
sneak a kiss in the dark.
And the private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, "What a
crazy and mixed up world this is when a private can kiss the
back of his hand and then smack a Sergeant Major in the face and
get away with it!"
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| Posted by ryanjenkins on 14-Aug-2005 | Elderly DriversTwo elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could
barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The
stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be
losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and
the light was red again, and again they went right though.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that
the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it.
She was getting nervous, and decided to pay very close attention
to the road, and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely
red and they went right through and she turned to the other
woman and said, "Mildred! Don't you know we just ran through
three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said "OH SHIT!!! Am I driving?"
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| Posted by Jr Sand on 14-Aug-2005 | Gas MetersTwo gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young
trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked
their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two
men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger
coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an
older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that
last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and
asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard
as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
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| Posted by Cyberventurer on 14-Aug-2005 | Have you ever eaten pork?A Priest and a Rabbi were riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest
turned to the Rabbi and asked,
"Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The Rabbi responded, "yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The Priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the Rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to
temptation and tasted pork."
The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father,
is it still a requirement of your church that you remain chaste?"
The Priest replied "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The Rabbi then asked him,
"Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke
with my faith."
The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said,
"a lot better than pork isn't it?"
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| Posted by Adrian on 14-Aug-2005 | A Parrot Never ForgetsA woman goes to a jumble sale and sees a parrot for sale for $1.
She thinks it's too cheap to pass off, so she buys it, but is
warned that it has a few choice phrases since it used to live in
a brothel. She gets it home and it looks around and says "New
house, new mistress!" The woman laughs and her two daughters
come down to see what she was laughing at, the parrot says "new
house, new mistress, two new whores" The girls are shocked, but
they laugh it over and the husband walks in from work the parrot
says "New house, new mistress, two new whores, hello Keith!"
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