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():travel & vacation jokes (283): Friday 13th


Posted by Brenda Willing on 09-Aug-2005

Friday 13th

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 120 kph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
'There's no way they can catch a Mercedes,' he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 130, 140, 150, 160... before the reality of the situation hit him.

'What the hell am I doing?' he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

'It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go.'

The guy thinks for a second and says.
'Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.'

'Have a nice weekend.' said the officer.

   

22 people have rated this joke:
7.05/10
     

():travel & vacation jokes (283): The Airplane


Posted by Joe Mama on 14-Aug-2005

The Airplane

A pilot was flying a 747 full of passengers as a voice cracked
over the radio.

It said, "This is Ground Control. Please divert your course 5
degrees east. Over."

The pilot was slightly confused and responded, "10-4, but why
should I divert my course?"

The voice answered, "Your plane and another 747 are about to
pass over a major city and we don't want any excess noise."

The pilot laughed and said, "I'm 31,000 feet up. What kind of
noise could I cause?"

Ground Control answered, "Have you ever heard the sound that
colliding 747's make?"

   

1 people have rated this joke:
7.00/10
     

():travel & vacation jokes (283): Vomit


Posted by Oliver P. Burton on 14-Aug-2005

Vomit

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.

A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking
guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls
asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid
to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He
knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting
there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable
wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it
in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and
sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"

   

7 people have rated this joke:
6.86/10
     

():travel & vacation jokes (283): Hotel Bill


Posted by Christopher L. Eloy on 14-Aug-2005

Hotel Bill

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to
continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a
nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four
hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four
hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms
certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is
the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.

The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that
the hotel has an Olympic sized pool and a huge conference
center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them." the man complains. "Well, they are
here, and you could have." explains the manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows
for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New
York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here." the manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows." complains the man
again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have." the manager replies.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies,
"But we didn't use it!"

The manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and
agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager.
The mnager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir,"
he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping
with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the mnager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

   

9 people have rated this joke:
6.78/10
     

():travel & vacation jokes (283): Teamwork


Posted by Ashley Barth on 14-Aug-2005
Teamwork
The loaded mini-van pulled in to the only remaining campsite.
Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly
unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to
gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the
camp stove and cooking utensils.

A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir,
is some display of teamwork."

The father replied, "I have a system. No one goes to the
bathroom until the camp is set up."

   

7 people have rated this joke:
6.14/10
     

():travel & vacation jokes (283): Bicycles


Posted by Rebecca L. O'Quinn on 09-Aug-2005
Bicycles
A man on a bike, carrying two sacks on his shoulders, was stopped by a guard while crossing the US-Mexican border.

"What's in the bags?" asked the guard.

"Sand," the cyclist replied.

"Get them off. We need to take a look."

The guard emptied the bags and found out they contained nothing but sand. The man reloaded his bags and continued across the border.

A week later, the same man was crossing again with two more bags.

The guard demanded to see them, and again they contained nothing but sand.

This continued every week for six months, until one day the cyclist failed to appear.

A few days later, that same guard ran into the cyclist in the city.

"Hey, where have you been?" the guard asked. "You sure had us wondering! We knew you were smuggling something across the border. So tell me and I won't say a word. What was it?"

The man smiled and told him the truth. "Bicycles!"
   

3 people have rated this joke:
6.00/10
     

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