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Friday 13th

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 120 kph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
'There's no way they can catch a Mercedes,' he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 130, 140, 150, 160... before the reality of the situation hit him.

'What the hell am I doing?' he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

'It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go.'

The guy thinks for a second and says.
'Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.'

'Have a nice weekend.' said the officer.

2 people have rated this joke:

10.0/10


	():travel & vacation jokes (283): Bicycles

Posted by Rebecca L. O'Quinn on 09-Aug-2005

Bicycles

A man on a bike, carrying two sacks on his shoulders, was stopped by a guard while crossing the US-Mexican border.

"What's in the bags?" asked the guard.

"Sand," the cyclist replied.

"Get them off. We need to take a look."

The guard emptied the bags and found out they contained nothing but sand. The man reloaded his bags and continued across the border.

A week later, the same man was crossing again with two more bags.

The guard demanded to see them, and again they contained nothing but sand.

This continued every week for six months, until one day the cyclist failed to appear.

A few days later, that same guard ran into the cyclist in the city.

"Hey, where have you been?" the guard asked. "You sure had us wondering! We knew you were smuggling something across the border. So tell me and I won't say a word. What was it?"

The man smiled and told him the truth. "Bicycles!"

1 people have rated this joke:

8.00/10


	():travel & vacation jokes (283): Teamwork

Posted by Ashley Barth on 14-Aug-2005

Teamwork

The loaded mini-van pulled in to the only remaining campsite.
Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly
unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to
gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the
camp stove and cooking utensils.

A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir,
is some display of teamwork."

The father replied, "I have a system. No one goes to the
bathroom until the camp is set up."

5 people have rated this joke:

6.60/10


	():travel & vacation jokes (283): Railroad

Posted by Mera Roloff on 09-Aug-2005

Railroad

Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.

The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."

The second drunk replies, "Yes, but have you seen how low the hand rail is?"

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

1 people have rated this joke:

6.00/10


	():travel & vacation jokes (283): Haircut before a trip

Posted by Dazza on 09-Aug-2005

Haircut before a trip

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?

It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.

So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.

So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."

"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."

"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?

2 people have rated this joke:

5.50/10