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| Posted by Lesley A. Salton on 12-Aug-2005 | Small PenisThis couple has been dating for about four months, but the guy had been afraid of making any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.
Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her to a secluded spot in his car. While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
"No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."
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| Posted by Insults -r- us on 14-Aug-2005 | Little IndianA young indian wants to learn how indians get their names so he
goes to chief sitting bull and asks him,
"Where do we get our names ?" to which the chief replies, "When
child is born chief go out of teepee and first thing chief sees
child named. If chief sees swooping hawk child named swooping
hawk, if chief sees a running bear then child named running
bear, so tell me Two Dogs Fucking why do u ask?"
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| Posted by Stew pidaso on 14-Aug-2005 | The Man, the Cat, and the EmuA man was sitting in a bar, on one side of him sat an emu, the other a cat. He ordered a round of drinks for the three of them and paid the bartender. The bartender brought their drinks and the three sat in silence drinking. A short while later the bartender came back and asked if they would like another round, the cat indicated yes and the bartender poured another round and moved towards the cat for payment. The cat turned his head away and ignored the bartender, so the man reached into his pocket and took out money and paid the bartender.
After a while the bartender returned, asking if they would like another drink. This time the emu indicated yes, and another round was poured, the emu placed the money on the bar and the three continued drinking. This continued all night, each time it came to the cat, the cat continued to turn it's head and ignore the bartender when payment was required.
Finally, with the man in tears, crying harder each time it was the cat's turn, the bartender, unable to contain his curiosity any longer asked the man what was going on and why he was drinking with an emu, and a cat that refused to buy a round of drinks.
"Well", says the man "I found this lamp washed up on the beach, as I was rubbing it clean, a genie appeared and granted me a wish. I thought longh and hard, then wished for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."
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| Posted by Thomas Flask on 14-Aug-2005 | ConfuciusConfucius says...
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have
trouble putting on pants.
Confucius says...
If you want pretty nurse, you got to be
patient.
Confucius says...
Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to
undoing of fly.
Confucius says...
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Confucius says...
Couple on 7 day honeymoon make whole week.
Confucius says...
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find
nuts.
Confucius says...
Rape impossible. Woman run faster with skirt
up, than Man with pants down.
Confucius says...
He who run behind bus get exhausted.
Confucius says...
Man with tight trousers is pressing his
luck.
Confucius says...
He who fishes in others' holes often catches
crabs.
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| Posted by Timothy J. Russin on 12-Aug-2005 | Pet Peeves!Things that make me cringe!:
1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no genitals.
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. The Norwich Life commercial where the old bastard answers the phone, says hello and then immediately tells his wife "It's Patrick! He bought life insurance!" Excuse me? how did Patrick find the time to tell you this? You barely breathed between "Hello" and It's Patrick". And why the hell do you have big sheets of bristol board and thick markers by the phone? Do you people play Pictionary over the phone often?
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuck off! What good is a damn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake Instead?
5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
6. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
7. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the fuckin ceiling up there! What did you come here for?
8. BIG hair
9. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice,... did ya there buddy?
10. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
11. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know why he pulled you over. You should know asshole, you fucking pulled me over!
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