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Funny Quotes from Famous People

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
-Billy Crystal

If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: "I'm cheap!"
-Delta Burke

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men
are just grateful.
-Jay Leno

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle
maintenance.
-Tim Allen

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think
there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think,
"I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
-Jerry Seinfield

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to
start all over again.
-Joan Rivers

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
-George Carlin

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At
the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
-Jeff Foxworthy

Men look at women the way men look at cars. Everyone looks at Ferraris.
Now and then we like a pickup truck, and we all buy station wagons.
-Tim Allen

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	():funny quotes (263): All cut up

Posted by Lubo on 14-Aug-2005

All cut up

Parital birth abortion--the best thing since sliced bread!

9 people have rated this joke:

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	():funny quotes (263): "What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."

Posted by Jason J. Barber on 09-Aug-2005

"What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."

Cindy Garner

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	():funny quotes (263): More pearls of wisdom

Posted by Victor Alway on 13-Aug-2005

More pearls of wisdom

Quotes:

1. Screwing up takes practice. I think I'm well rehearsed

2. Life's a bitch. Deal with it

3. (Actual refrigerator magnet): Genitorturers homogenized my honor student

4. Life is hard compared to what?!

5. Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes

6. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

7. He who thinks he can fly ends up with cracked skull

8. He who goes to sleep with itchy butt wakes up with smelly fingers

9. One of the top signs that Y2K hype has gone too far is that millions are converting to Judaism so the year is 5760

10. The Chinese calendar is 2000 years younger than the Jewish calendar. So that means the Jews had to go 2000 years without Chinese food.

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