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| Posted by jen on 13-Aug-2005 | GarnWords were the big topic of the million dollar television quiz show where Professor Geewhiz challenged the audience to stump him with a word he couldn't put into a sentence.
"Garn!" shouted a bloke in the third row.
"Garn?" said the professor, "Garn? It's not a swear word, is it?"
"No," said the punter in the third row, "Garn."
Time elapsed, the buzzer went and the crowd applauded.
"You've stumped him," said the MC, "How do you use the word, sir?"
"Garn get fucked," said the punter who was immediately thrown out and the show closed until further notice.
It took the network twelve months to get over it. Finally they had the gumption to start it up again with the proviso that they would have to screen the audience in future.
On the opening night they scrutinized each member of the public as they arrived before asking for the first word.
A man is the third row wearing a vicar's collar a beard put his hand up. "Smee," he said.
"Smee?" said the professor, "Smee?" The seconds ticked away and he was forced to concede on the very first word.
After the applause had died down the MC asked the punter, how do you use the word?"
The punter stood up, pulled his false beard off and said, "Smee again - Garn get fucked!"
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():nerd jokes (650): Calculating statistics of injury |
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| Posted by Eastieboy on 13-Aug-2005 | Calculating statistics of injuryA man (If you like, a blond) who often travels by plane calculates the probability of there being a bomb on any given flight. It's low, but not low enough, so the man always carries a bomb in his suitcase knowing that he'll be safe.
After all, the odds of two bombs on a flight are almost impossible!
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BONUS JOKE VARIATION!!!
A man went to a hunting shop and asked if he could buy one bullet. The clerk thought for a second and said, sure, why not. The man gets his bullet and takes out a pen and meticulously inscribes his name on the bullet.
The clerk, watching this says, "hey buddy, why'd you write on your bullet?"
"Well, they say there's a bullet out there with my name on it, so I figured I'd better keep track of it!"
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