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Why is it so windy at Candlestick Park? (Home of the San Francisco Giants)
Because of all the Giant Fans!

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	():sport jokes (950): 2 FOR 1

Posted by Kitty Devil on 10-Aug-2005

2 FOR 1

A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle as hunting season was about
to start. He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you
can see my house all the way up on that hill." The man takes a look through the
scope and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house," the man
replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man and looks at his house. Then he
hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this
scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and
shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope, and says, "You know what? I
think I can do that with one shot!"

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	():sport jokes (950): DIARY OF A DEER HUNTER

Posted by Marlene R. Ehlers on 10-Aug-2005

DIARY OF A DEER HUNTER

1:00 AM: Alarm clock rings.
2:00 AM: Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 AM: Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup.
3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods.
3:15 AM: Drive back home to pick up gun.
3:30 AM: Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 AM: Set up camp. Forgot the stupid tent.
4:30 AM: Head for the woods.
6:05 AM: See eight deer.
6:06 AM: Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 AM: CLICK.
6:08 AM: Load gun while watching deer go over hill.
8:00 AM: Head back to camp.
9:00 AM: Still looking for camp.
10:00 AM: Realize that you don't know where camp is.
NOON : Fire gun for help---eat wild berries.
2:15 PM: Run out of bullets---eight deer come back.
2:20 PM: Strange feeling in stomach.
2:30 PM: Realize that you ate poison berries.
2:45 PM: Rescued.
2:55 PM: Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped, throw up instead.
3:15 PM: Arrive back at camp.
3:30 PM: Leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 PM: Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 PM: Load gun---leave camp again.
5:00 PM: Empty gun on bug that is bugging you.
6:00 PM: Arrive at camp -- see deer grazing.
6:01 PM: Load gun.
6:02 PM: Fire gun.
6:03 PM: One dead pickup.
6:05 PM: Hunting partners arrive in camp dragging deer.
6:06 PM: Repress desire to shoot hunting partners.
6:07 PM: Fall into fire.
6:10 PM: Change clothing, throw burned ones in fire.
6:15 PM: Take pickup, leave hunting partners and deer in camp.
6:25 PM: Pickup boils over due to hole shot in block.
6:26 PM: Start walking.
6:30 PM: Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.
6:35 PM: Meet bear.
6:36 PM: Take aim.
6:37 PM: Fire gun, blow up barrel that's plugged with mud.
6:38 PM: Mess pants.
6:39 PM: Climb tree.
11:00 PM: Bear leaves. Wrap gun around tree.
Midnight: Home at last. Fall on knees thanking Maker.
Next day: Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing up hunting license into
small pieces, place in envelope, and mail to Game Warden.

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	():sport jokes (950): TWO BEAR HUNTERS

Posted by Ivan Borka on 10-Aug-2005

TWO BEAR HUNTERS

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out
looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running
for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him
with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell
flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into
the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You
skin this one while I go and get another one!"

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