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| Posted by Mr Leafy on 12-Aug-2005 | Golf For SexA man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to
find the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring a
cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing.
"A magic potion" she replies.
"Well what does it for" he asks. "This potion will make anyone an
excellent golfer."
At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She is
agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his
sex life.
After a short period of soul searching he decides to try the potion.
He goes back to the golf course and completes an excellent game of
golf. Next he challenges the golf pro and beats him easily. He
spends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at every
course he manage to get to and having a wonderful time of it. After
a year he finds himself back at the same course where he found the
witch. Out of curiosity he slices one into the woods so he can talk
to her.
"Well", she asks, "How has your game been?" "Great! This has been
the best year of my life. I have played all over the country and
never lost a game."
"And how about your sex life?" "Oh, not bad."
"Really? This stuff can really ruin a guys sex life. Say, how many
times did you have sex last year?" "Hmmmm, it was three, no, four
times."
"And you call that not bad?" "Not for a priest with a small parish."
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| Posted by Teresa Jeffries on 11-Aug-2005 | Drunk CheerleaderMichael Irvin was complaining to Calvin Williams about his first trip to the Super Bowl and how hard it was to get any sleep the night before the big game. "I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk cheerleader banging on the door and screaming," he recalled.
"That's terrible," said Williams. "How'd you ever get any sleep?"
"At five o'clock I finally unlocked the door and let her out," replied Irvin.
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| Posted by Blah Blah on 10-Aug-2005 | Johnny CochranThe Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a
new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran.
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| Posted by Green Hornet on 14-Aug-2005 | Cup Final FanIts cup final day at wembly, Manchester Utd Vs Liverpooland &
Pete is dissapointed with his seat as he misses Manchester's
First goal and his view was blocked from Liverpools goal by a
bald mans head. At the Half Hour mark, Pete looks down at the
front row and spots an empty seat . He walks down and sits in
the seat. "What a great seat! why would you buy a seat like this
and not turn up?" the man replys "the seats mine, i bought it
for my wife but she died on wednesday so i am here alone. it is
the first final without her for 35 years." "Couldn't you have
given the ticket to a son or daughter then?" asks Pete. The Bald
man replys "Oh No. They are all at the funeral!"
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| Posted by fishpie on 11-Aug-2005 | Good Luck FrogGood Luck Frog
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron". The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron". He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply's, "Ribbit Lucky frog". The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?," the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood". The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,"OK where to next?". The frog replies,"Ribbit Las Vegas". They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette". Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks,"What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6". Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, gee, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful". The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me". He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss,the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year old girl. And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room so help me God.
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| Posted by Heather Iannaccio on 11-Aug-2005 | Ready for some Football?An old man and his wife have gone to bed.
After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points."
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"
The old man replied, "It's fart football!"
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says -
"Touchdown, tie score!"
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says -
"Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"
Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, -
"Touchdown, tie score!"
Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says -
"Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!"
Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.
The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"
The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"
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