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| Posted by Damian O. Miller on 09-Aug-2005 | Golf GenieThere was this middle-aged couple playing golf The wife whacked the ball in the wrong direction and the ball went soaring into a nearby bungalow's window The two ran to the bungalow and there they found a man with a turban on his head, sitting next to a broken vase They apologised for breaking the vase and the man in the turban said "You have done me a great favour - I am a genie and you have released me. For this you can both have one wish each" The wife wished to be a pro-golfer - the Genie said "In the morning you will be better than Tiger Woods" The husband wished for a Million dollars - the Genie said "In the morning you will be a Million dollars richer."
The Genie then said "But, in order for the wishes to come true, I will have to make love to your wife". They decided (as being a pro-golfer and million dollars richer) it was a reasonable price to pay for the wish to come true.. The Genie took the wife to the room and started really screwing her with passion and speed. But suddenly, halfway through he stopped.
"How old is your husband", the genie asked the wife.
"46" the wife replied.
"And he still believes in Genies.....??"
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| Posted by bob j. gates on 09-Aug-2005 | Camel QuestionsA mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?"
The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand".
"OK" said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"
"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert",
"Thanks Mom" replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??"
The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods."
"That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom"
"Yes son?"
"Why the heck are we in the San Diego Zoo?"
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| Posted by alison l. connolly on 09-Aug-2005 | Tennis ElbowOne morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?"
she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful ... I had tennis elbow once."
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| Posted by Ann-Marie C. Fleming on 09-Aug-2005 | Macho MiceThree very macho mice are standing around trying to outdo each other. The first mouse says, "You know those little pellets they put out around the house trying to poison us? I love those things. I eat 'em like candy."
The second mouse, not to be outdone says, "Oh yeah? Well, you know those mousetraps they put out to try to catch us? What I do is get on the trap, grab the cheese, and then flip over onto my back, and when the steel bar comes swinging down I grab it and do bench presses with it."
The third mouse says, "You guys are really a couple of tough mice, and I'd love to keep hangin' out with you here, but I gotta go screw the cat."
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| Posted by andrew j. gregg on 09-Aug-2005 | A Fine FillyA farmer buys a cute little filly that he plans on racing next season, but when gets her home, his old stallion smells her and wants her and starts
kicking up dust. The farmer doesn't want her knocked up, because she won't be able to race,so he calls the vet.
The vet tells him to tie a bedsheet around the filly's rump to keep the stallion away. So that day, the farmer does just that.
The next day, the farmer goes out to the corral to make sure the vet's solution worked, but the filly's nowhere to be found. The farmer follows her hoof trail to the neighbour's farm and sees the neighbour kid out by their barn.
"Hey boy, did you see a filly run by with a bedsheet tied around her rump?"
the farmer asks.
The kid replies,"No sir, but one dashed past here early this morning with a handkerchief sticking out of her ass!!"
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| Posted by Vanessa Leyden on 09-Aug-2005 | Saddle TypesJack and Jill went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
He told her one had a horn and one didn't,
Jill replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic out here."
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