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():funny quotes (263): Goofy Sayings


Posted by Dennis's on 13-Aug-2005

Goofy Sayings

Everybody loves some bawdy sometime.

Definitions:
Hale-Bop.........Healthy Fuck
Heaven's Gate....Microsoft Mansion

"Man, that little bastard smells.
No wonder they call him Pooh."
-- Christopher Robin

Marauders 101:
Always remember to pillage & rape BEFORE you burn!

A lady is one who never shows her
underwear unintentionally.
-- American writer, Lillian Day (b. 1893)

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
(to some of you twits out there... don't bother
answering this question, IT'S JUST A JOKE!)


   

33 people have rated this joke:
4.21/10
     

():funny quotes (263): Best Things Ever Said


Posted by sam bobi on 14-Aug-2005

Best Things Ever Said

~Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.

~Sex is nobody's business except for the three people involved.

~Your chances of getting hit by lighting go up if you stand under a tree,
shake your fist at the sky, and say, "Storms suck!"

~If homosexuality were normal God would have created Adam and Bruce.

~Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

~France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the
toilet paper.

~Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.

~Groundhog Day has been observed only once in Los Angeles because when the
groundhog came out of its hole, it was killed by a mud slide.

~I hate people who keep dogs. They are the cowards that are afraid to bite
people themselves.

~Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.

   

6 people have rated this joke:
4.17/10
     

():funny quotes (263): "When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole


Posted by Lorelea on 09-Aug-2005

"When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole

Elaine Boosler
   

3 people have rated this joke:
4.00/10
     

():funny quotes (263): To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's...


Posted by Jocky on 07-Aug-2005

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's...

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
- J. Handy

   

3 people have rated this joke:
4.00/10
     

():funny quotes (263): Food for Thought


Posted by Jo Smith on 14-Aug-2005
Food for Thought
"The problem with the designated driver program is it's not a
desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have
fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong
house." --- Jeff Foxworthy

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we
should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants
to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There
should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should
have to find you a temp." --- Bob Ettinger

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better
verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of
that study: -- -- Duh." --- Conan O'Brien

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway
through my fish burger and I realize, oh my God.... I could be
eating a slow learner." ---Lynda Montgomery

"The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes
out with a riding vacuum cleaner." --- Roseanne

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in
New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but
it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --- Richard Jeni

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--- Paul Rodriguez

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned
sixty, and that's the law." --- Jerry Seinfeld

"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up
quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is
the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" --- Warren Hutcherson

"Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of
Congress...But I repeat myself." ---Mark Twain

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At
least they can find Kuwait." --- A. Whitney Brown

"We have women in the military, but we don't put them in the
front lines. We don't know if they can fight or if they can
kill. I think they can. All the general has to do is walk over
to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say
you look fat in those uniforms.'" --- Elayne Boosler


   

13 people have rated this joke:
4.00/10
     

():funny quotes (263): Food Poisoning


Posted by Acer on 14-Aug-2005
Food Poisoning
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

   

42 people have rated this joke:
3.74/10
     

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