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| Posted by Laura Nowicki on 14-Aug-2005 | GotchaOnce the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match,
with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since
you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have
to spot me two 'gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along
with it.
And off they went.
Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were
amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members.
"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and
as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my
legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever
tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"
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| Posted by Pierce J. Jones on 14-Aug-2005 | Adult Horse RaceLineup:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Dick
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry
THEY'RE OFF!!!
Conscience is left behind at the gate.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Dick is in a
dangerous spot.
AT THE HALFWAY MARK:
It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.
AT THE STRETCH:
Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Dick is making a final drive.
Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.
AT THE FINISH:
It's Big Dick giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes
everything Big Dick has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes through with one final thrust
and wins by a head...
Bare Belly shows...
Thighs weakens...
Heavy Bosom pulls up...
& Clean Sheets never had a chance.
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| Posted by Jim Bob on 14-Aug-2005 | Hell TemperatureA Philadelphia man died and went to hell. To punish him the devil put him
in a room at 90 degrees and 90% humidity, gave him a sledge hammer and
left him to break rocks in misery. The devil returned to find the man
happily whistling while working away. So the devil increased the
temperature and humidity to 100 thinking this would work better. The devil
returned some time later to find that the man was still happily at work.
When the devil questioned the man he replied that these conditions
reminded him of working on the farm back home.
The devil thought for a moment and then set the temperature to 20
degrees with a 40 mile an hour wind and left the man knowing that this
would be torture for him. When the devil returned to check on the mans
progress he found that he was not only happy......he was ecstatic. He was
jumping up and down, swinging the hammer around his head and yelling
gleefully. "Now why are you so happy?" the devil asked. The man replied "a
cold day in hell! The Eagles must have won the Superbowl!"
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| Posted by Mat Weber on 14-Aug-2005 | Crazy OutingA doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his inmates
to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients
to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived,
everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled,
"Up nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause
and cheers.
Things were going very well, he then decided to go get a beer
and a hot-dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned
there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what
happened.
The assistant replied, "Well...everything was fine until some guy
walked by and yelled, 'PEANUTS!'"
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():sport jokes (950): Primary School Tour to the Race Tracks |
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| Posted by Timothy Withers on 14-Aug-2005 | Primary School Tour to the Race TracksA group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female
teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about
thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.
During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was
decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go
with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one
of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal.
Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little
boys up by their armpits, one by one.
As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he
was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you
must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks
for the lift anyhow."
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| Posted by Jaz on 14-Aug-2005 | Formula 1 Mix UpAfter seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove
the wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialist
equipment, the McLaren team decided to fire their pit crew and
hire four of the youths as most races can be won or lost in the
pit lane.
The first race came along and the car came into the pits. The
youths went to work but the McLaren team boss noticed a real
problem.
No only had the youths replaced all four wheels within four
seconds, but within 10 seconds, they'd re-sprayed and
re-numbered the car and sold it to the Ferrari Team!
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