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| Posted by Lick on 09-Aug-2005 | Guiness and womenThis is very upsetting for you guys. Research scientists at Guinness suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption after considering the results of a recent analysis, which had revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed eight pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100 percent of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
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| Posted by alott fagina penthouse on 09-Aug-2005 | I've shagged yur MumThree guys were drinking in a pub when another man comes in and starts drinking at the bar.
After a while he approaches the lads and, pointing at the one in the middle shouts,
'I've shagged your mother!'
The guys look bewildered as the man goes back to his place at the bar and resumes drinking.
Ten minutes later he comes back and points to the bloke in the middle of the trio and shouts,
'Did you hear me? I've shagged your mother'
Then he goes back to his drink.
A short time later the man comes up again, jabs his finger at the middle bloke and announces for the pub to hear,
'I've shagged your mother, and it was good.'
By now the trio have had enough and the one in the middle shouts,
'Dad, you're pissed. Bugger off home!'
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| Posted by Monnie on 09-Aug-2005 | Drunk driver?A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drink-driver.
At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.
The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk.
He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car.
After trying his keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle.
He sat in the car a good 10 minutes as the other pub patrons left.
He turned his lights on, then off.
He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.
Finally, when his was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.
The cop, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over.
He administered the breathalyzer test and, to his great surprise, the man easily passed.
The cop was dumbfounded.
'This equipment must be broken,' exclaimed the policeman.
'I doubt it,' said the man. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'
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| Posted by Sameo X. Sameo on 09-Aug-2005 | Nice PeanutsA guy walks into a bar and hears this voice say,
'Hey, you're a pretty good-looking guy.'
Upon, further investigation, he realizes that the voice is coming from a bowl of nuts.
So he asks the barman, 'What's this?'
The bartender replies, 'They're complimentary peanuts.'
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| Posted by Frenzy Freek on 09-Aug-2005 | Guiness a real drinkAt a World Brewing Convention in the United States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conferencing.
Bruce, the boss of Fosters, shouted to the barman,
'in 'Strailya, we make the best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, cobber.'
Rob, chief of Budweiser, calls out,
'In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all. Give me a pint of Bud.'
Hans steps up next,
'In Germany we invented beer. Give me a Weisen, the real king of beers.'
Up steps Dutchman Jan, chief executive of Grolsch, who states that Grolsch is the ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of head on top.
Patrick, the CEO of Guinness, steps forward.
'Barman, give me a coke with ice please.'
The other four stare at him in stunned silence with amazement written all over their faces.
Eventually Bruce asks, 'Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?'
Patrick replies, 'Well, if you bastards aren't drinking, then neither am I'
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| Posted by Grace Littlehales on 09-Aug-2005 | Lone Ranger returnsThe Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one dusty, dry, Wild West day and proceed to the first saloon, where they tie up their trusty steeds and head in for a snort.
After a while a stranger walks into the bar and asks, 'Who owns the white horse tied up outside?'
The Lone Ranger said, 'Why, that would be mine. Why do you ask?'
'Because it??™s collapsed and looks like it's dying,' says the stranger.
So the Lone Ranger and Tonto head out to check on Silver.
'He's probably just suffering from the heat,' says the Lone Ranger, who asks Tonto if he could run around Silver for a while to help keep him cool.
The Lone Ranger returns to the bar and after half an hour another stranger walks in and asks, 'Who owns the white horse outside?'
The Lone Ranger says, 'That's mine, what's the problem this time?'
'Oh, no problem,' says the stranger, 'it's just that you've left your injun running.'
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