|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Jimmy Sampson on 09-Aug-2005 | Guy spits into glassThere's a guy in a bar, it's late, and the guy and the bartender are the only ones left in the bar.
The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, "If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me $50?"
The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, "ok, show me"
The guy then spits, and makes it in the glass, without getting any on the counter or the floor.
The bartender say, "That's amazing! You deserve the $50!"
The next day, about noon, the guy's in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if he could do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would be give him $100?
The bartender agrees, and the guy spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else. Than the evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks glass all over the bar. He than says to the guy, "if you can spit in all of these glass at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I'll give you $200"
The guy says, "Sure, but I need a little time to get ready"
So after a minute, the guy comes up, and procceds to spit everywhere at lightning speed. the bartender, seeing that the guy has missed every single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys than pays the bartender, and says, "I don't see what you're so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner $500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd be happy about it."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Erik D on 09-Aug-2005 | A polish man in barA polish man is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order a drink.
The polish guy calls the bartender over and says "whatever she is is drinking give her another one and tell her it is on me."
The bartender replies "I don't think you want to do that."
"What do you mean?" yells the polish guy, "Send her the drink!"
"O.K." the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea."
"And why not?" asks the polish guy.
The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says "because she's a lesbian."
"I don't care, send her the drink." says the polish guy.
So after the lady gets her drink the polish guy very casually strolls down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says, "so what part of Lesbia are you from?"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by EMMI E. COOL on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 bits of stringThree strings walked by a bar and noticed a sign outside it that said "NO STRINGS ALLOWED."
Indignant at the discrimination the first string decided to go in and order a drink.
The bartender said "Can't your read?" and when the string refused to leave he picked it up and tossed it out the door.
The second string tried the same thing and when it also refused to leave the bartender punched it and threw it out the door as well.
The third string thought for a few seconds, then scraped itself along the sidewalk harshly until it was ragged all over. Then it twisted itself inside out and around and around until its middle was all in a bunch.
Then it entered the bar, got up on a stool and ordered a martini.
"Say," asked the bartender suspiciously, "aren't you the string I just threw out of here?"
'Fraid not," replied the string.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Al Coholic on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 little pigsThe first little pig walked into the bar and said "Can I have a rum and coke?" and the bar man said "OK".
Then the little pig said "Can I use your toilet?" and the bar man said straight ahead.
Then the second little pig walked into the bar and said "Can I have a rum and coke?" and the bar man said "OK".
Then the little pig said "Can I use your toilet?" and the bar man said straight ahead.
The third little pig walked into the bar and said "Can I have a rum and coke?" and the bar man said "OK".
Then the Bar man said "I suppose you want to use the toilet", but the third little pig said "No, I'm the pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home".
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Gabster on 09-Aug-2005 | Monkey on a stringThis guy walked into a bar with a monkey on a string. He sat at the bar, and announced that the monkey is for sale.
The barman relied "I don't want any monkey!! They destroy everthing, and they are a nuisnace!"
The guy replied "But this is a special monkey. It gives a really good blowjob. Look, go in the back and try it out."
After 10 minutes, the barman returns with a broad grin. "Man, that monkey is really good!! How much do you want for it?" $200 was exchanged.
That evening, the barman returned home to his wife. "Hi, dear. I just bought this monkey. I want you to teach it to cook and wash, and then I want you to get the hell out of this house!!!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Rebecca Dawn on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 inch manA man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots."
Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?"
The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a 3 inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that."
The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter.
Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock.
"That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa hunting and you called that witch doctor a Nigger!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
