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| Posted by Katie on 09-Aug-2005 | Guy talks to barmanCustomer: (to bartender)
"My wife and I just got into a knock down, drag out fight!"
Bartender: What happened?
Customer: When it was all over, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees!
Bartender: Wow! What did she say?
Customer: She said, "come out from under that bed right now you coward or I'll kick your butt again!!"
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| Posted by angel phobia on 09-Aug-2005 | Gay guy in barThe bartender got tired of hearing these five drunks arguing about who had the biggest dick.
So he yelled out: "I am tired of this shit. Pull them out and put them up on the bar and I will tell you who has the biggest."
They were drunk enough that all five of them responded and placed their dick up on the bar.
At this time a homosexual walks in, and the bartender ask: "May I help you?"
To which he responds: "Well, I came in for a glass of wine and a sandwich but I think I will have the smorgasbord."
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| Posted by Jimmy Sampson on 09-Aug-2005 | Guy spits into glassThere's a guy in a bar, it's late, and the guy and the bartender are the only ones left in the bar.
The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, "If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me $50?"
The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, "ok, show me"
The guy then spits, and makes it in the glass, without getting any on the counter or the floor.
The bartender say, "That's amazing! You deserve the $50!"
The next day, about noon, the guy's in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if he could do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would be give him $100?
The bartender agrees, and the guy spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else. Than the evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks glass all over the bar. He than says to the guy, "if you can spit in all of these glass at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I'll give you $200"
The guy says, "Sure, but I need a little time to get ready"
So after a minute, the guy comes up, and procceds to spit everywhere at lightning speed. the bartender, seeing that the guy has missed every single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys than pays the bartender, and says, "I don't see what you're so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner $500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd be happy about it."
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| Posted by Erik D on 09-Aug-2005 | A polish man in barA polish man is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order a drink.
The polish guy calls the bartender over and says "whatever she is is drinking give her another one and tell her it is on me."
The bartender replies "I don't think you want to do that."
"What do you mean?" yells the polish guy, "Send her the drink!"
"O.K." the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea."
"And why not?" asks the polish guy.
The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says "because she's a lesbian."
"I don't care, send her the drink." says the polish guy.
So after the lady gets her drink the polish guy very casually strolls down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says, "so what part of Lesbia are you from?"
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| Posted by EMMI E. COOL on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 bits of stringThree strings walked by a bar and noticed a sign outside it that said "NO STRINGS ALLOWED."
Indignant at the discrimination the first string decided to go in and order a drink.
The bartender said "Can't your read?" and when the string refused to leave he picked it up and tossed it out the door.
The second string tried the same thing and when it also refused to leave the bartender punched it and threw it out the door as well.
The third string thought for a few seconds, then scraped itself along the sidewalk harshly until it was ragged all over. Then it twisted itself inside out and around and around until its middle was all in a bunch.
Then it entered the bar, got up on a stool and ordered a martini.
"Say," asked the bartender suspiciously, "aren't you the string I just threw out of here?"
'Fraid not," replied the string.
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| Posted by Al Coholic on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 little pigsThe first little pig walked into the bar and said "Can I have a rum and coke?" and the bar man said "OK".
Then the little pig said "Can I use your toilet?" and the bar man said straight ahead.
Then the second little pig walked into the bar and said "Can I have a rum and coke?" and the bar man said "OK".
Then the little pig said "Can I use your toilet?" and the bar man said straight ahead.
The third little pig walked into the bar and said "Can I have a rum and coke?" and the bar man said "OK".
Then the Bar man said "I suppose you want to use the toilet", but the third little pig said "No, I'm the pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home".
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