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():little johnny (1883): Hair pulling


Posted by Saska on 13-Aug-2005

Hair pulling

A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don't be angry," the mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, "Now she knows."


   

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():little johnny (1883): Using cold cream


Posted by Gone2mars on 13-Aug-2005

Using cold cream

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ''Why do you do that, mommy?'' he asked.

''To make myself beautiful,'' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

''What's the matter?'' asked Little Johnny. ''Giving up?''


   

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():little johnny (1883): Punishment in school


Posted by Iain A. Hewitt on 13-Aug-2005

Punishment in school

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."


   

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():little johnny (1883): Special napkins


Posted by Tom Lynn on 13-Aug-2005

Special napkins

This is more embarrassing for my mother than for me because I wasn't quite four years old when it happened. My mother taught me to read when I was 3 years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet door was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping napkins in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts she told me that those were for special occasions.

Now fast forward a few months. It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge. My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. 'But Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!


   

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():little johnny (1883): What does your dad do?


Posted by Richard L. Dowson on 13-Aug-2005
What does your dad do?
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. 'My name is Billy. What's yours?' asked the first boy. 'Tommy,' replied the second. 'My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?' asked Billy. Tommy replied, 'My Daddy's a lawyer.' 'Honest?' asked Billy. 'No, just the regular kind', replied Tommy.


   

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():little johnny (1883): Hard to find kids books


Posted by Janus G on 13-Aug-2005
Hard to find kids books
'You Were an Accident'

'Strangers Have the Best Candy'

'The Little Sissy Who Snitched'

'Some Kittens Can Fly!'

'Getting More Chocolate on Your Face'

'Where Would You Like to Be Buried?'

'Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her'

'The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!'

'All Dogs Go to Hell'

'The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking'

'When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It'

'Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia'

'What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?'

'Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?'

'Bi-Curious George'

'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry'

'Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver'

'You Are Different and That's Bad'

'Dad's New Wife Timothy'

'Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games'

'Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets'

'The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad'

'Babar Meets the Taxidermist'

'Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence'

'The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables'

'Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse'

'The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy'

'Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will'

'The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead'

'How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School'

'Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear'


   

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