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| Posted by Elsa Romxo on 08-Aug-2005 | Have you Ever...Have you ever smelled mothballs????
I was just wondering how you would get their little legs open!!!!
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| Posted by KathyB on 08-Aug-2005 | Warning: Ignore the parrot!On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.
He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky, you cow!"
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you witch!"
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now or I'll kick your ass!"
Suddenly, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says...
"For someone who can't fly, you sure are a ballsy bastard!"
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| Posted by alvin t. decker on 08-Aug-2005 | Screwing RoosterThere was a farmer. He had alot of chickens but had no roosters.
So in order to get eggs he went and got a rooster. The man he got the rooster form told him that the rooster would screw everything in sight. But the farmer wanted the rooster anyway.
So he took it home and it screwed all the chickens. After a while it started screwing all the other farm animals.
So one day the farmer walked up to the rooster and said,"Ya better stop screwing everything or you will screw yourself to death!" But the rooster just kept on screwing.
One day the farmer was walking through the field, and he found the rooster laying on the ground with buzzards flying all around.
So he walked up to the rooster and said,"I told you you'd screw yourself to death!" then the rooster opened his eyes and said, - "SHUT-UP! I'm trying to get them to land!"
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| Posted by Stu D. Baker on 08-Aug-2005 | The Chicken and The EggA Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed one night. The chicken smoking a cigarette with a smug grin on its face, the egg looking thoroughly ticked off.
The egg looks at the chicken and says,
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
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| Posted by miss u.s.a on 08-Aug-2005 | Kewl Cat Quips!There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods...
Cats have never forgotten this.
Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs...
You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God!Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes.
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!
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| Posted by Richard T. Icke on 08-Aug-2005 | Catching polar bearsHow to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file. Hide behind a nearby rock. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
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