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():other funny jokes (4827): He who inherits riches shall never know the...


Posted by William C. Herbert on 07-Aug-2005

He who inherits riches shall never know the...

He who inherits riches shall never know the joy of toiling endlessly for his daily bread.
   

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():other funny jokes (4827): A little ambiguity never hurt anyone....


Posted by Kyle Lusis on 07-Aug-2005

A little ambiguity never hurt anyone....

A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.
   

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():other funny jokes (4827): "The ardent swain, picking a bouquet of wildflowers...


Posted by OWEN PSYCO on 07-Aug-2005

"The ardent swain, picking a bouquet of wildflowers...

"The ardent swain, picking a bouquet of wildflowers for his loved one, was disconcerted to find himself, suddenly, in the same field with a large bull of unfriendly appearance which, gazing at him steadily, pawed the ground in a threatening manner. The youth, spying a farmer on the other side of a distance fence, shouted,

"Hey, mister, is that bull safe?"

The farmer surveyed the situation with critical eye, spat to one side and called back, "He's safe as anything." He spat again, and added, "Can't say the same about you, though."

   

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():other funny jokes (4827): Three men go duck hunting one day. Two of...


Posted by Rostik Kuskovsky on 07-Aug-2005

Three men go duck hunting one day. Two of...

Three men go duck hunting one day. Two of them are inundated with stories from the third about his "great" duck hunting abilities.

After a few hours the first two men have bagged a couple of ducks each, but the braggart hasn't taken a shot. They question him on this, so he agrees to show his shooting abilities at the next opportunity.

A few moments later one lone duck comes flying by. As promised, the braggart stands up and squeezes off one shot. ... The duck keeps flying!

"Gentlemen, you have just witnessed a miracle" says the braggart pointing at the receding duck, "for there flys a dead duck".

   

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():other funny jokes (4827): A hip young man goes out and buys the best...


Posted by Jocky on 07-Aug-2005
A hip young man goes out and buys the best...
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1996 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light.

An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"

The young many replies "A 1996 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."

"That's a lot of money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.

The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"

"Sure" replies the owner.

So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, all right!" Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!"

"What on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeep?" the young man asks himself.

Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whooosshh! It goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped!

"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep?"

Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whoooshka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.

The young man jumps out, and Jesus to Betsy, it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man groans and replies "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

   

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():other funny jokes (4827): Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing...


Posted by TheSparky on 07-Aug-2005
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing...
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

   

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