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| Posted by Jamaahl Boxx on 09-Aug-2005 | Healthy forestA little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!"
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"
The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the rabbit.
As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers, "That little fucker! He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he's on ecstasy!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by imadumbass9889 on 09-Aug-2005 | I want NatalieThe brothel's madam opened the door to find a frail, elderly gentleman standing there. "May I help you?" asked the madam.
"I want Natalie," replied the old man.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else..."
"No, I must see Natalie," insisted the old man.
Just then, Natalie appeared and advised the old man that she charges $1000 a visit. Without blinking an eye, he reached in his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two of them then went up to a room for an hour, after which the old man calmy left.
The next evening, he appeared at the brothel again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... the price was still $1000. Again, he took out the money and the two of them went up to a room. An hour later, he left.
No one could believe it when he showed up the third consecutive night. Again, he demanded to see Natalie, handed her the money and they went up to a room. After the hour had passed, Natalie questioned him. "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
"I'm from Los Angeles," he replied.
"Really?" Natalie said. "I have family living there."
"Yes, I know," the old man said. "Your father passed away and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you $3000."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Wrench Oh Six Two Six on 09-Aug-2005 | Hard being blackIt is hard being black.
We get the bad end of the deal with every sport.
Hockey, you're slappin a black puck around.
Pool, you have a white ball trying to knock you in a hole.
The only thing we have is bowling, where you have a black ball trying to knock down ten rednecks.
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| Posted by Blue Myst on 09-Aug-2005 | Last standThe governor of Montana, who considered himself deeply artistic and an avid historian, commissioned an artist to paint a rendition of the thoughts that went through the mind of General Custer at "Custer's last stand."
The artist worked away for weeks and weeks. Finally, the great day came for the unveiling of the painting.
Imagine the governor's surprise when he saw an image of a cow with a halo above its head standing in the center of the picture. Emerging over a nearby hill was a file of Native Americans toting sacks of cotton on their backs.
"What do you mean by this? What does this portray?" the Governor demanded.
The artist replied, "I thought it was perhaps a bit too obvious, your Eminence. These are the thoughts that went through General Custer's mind at the battle. He is thinking, 'Holy cow! Where did all these cotton-pickin' Indians come from?'"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by SmarteeS11 on 09-Aug-2005 | What is your name?Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami.
They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each others' friendship.
One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don't be angry with me dear, but I am embarrassed. After all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can't."
The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for 2 full minutes, and finally says, "How soon do you have to know?"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Scott T. Zuber on 09-Aug-2005 | 2010Regarding the year 2010, a senior at W.V.U. was overheard saying ....
"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in West Virginia."
When asked why, he stated that everything happens here 20 years later than the rest of the civilized world.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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