|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Shameka Moore on 09-Aug-2005 | HeartburnA very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, "Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy."
The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp.
"Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy", again the bartender brought her a Martini. By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, "Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn."
Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, "Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your tits are hanging in the ashtray."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Hey_baby_:) on 09-Aug-2005 | Help! Poleesh!Here's one I made up while in the sixth grade. It's a sixth-grade joke, but no worse than the one just read! A drunk was sitting in his car in the parking lot outside a bar, yelling: "Help! Poleesh! I've been robbed!" The cop on the beat came to him & said, "What's wrong?"
The drunk said, "Look for yourshelf! They took my shteering wheel, my inshtrument panel; they even took my pedalsh!" The policeman said, "No problem; everything's right up here in the front seat!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Wes Bundy on 09-Aug-2005 | 12 Y.O. ScotchA guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks "This guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out.
He promptly hollers at the bartender: "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction. But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says: "Shay mister, taste this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.
"It tastes like piss," he shoots back at the drunk. The drunk replies: "It is. How old am I?"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by afman on 09-Aug-2005 | The right watchA man had a watch that didnt work. He ask his friend to tell what is wrong. The friend say " Its because the watch is on your right hand."
The man puts the watch on his left hand and says "Oh there we go!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by holly mcmahon on 09-Aug-2005 | Pukeing drunkTwo notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. One is crying. The other asks what's wrong.
"I've puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me."
The other drunk says "do what I do pal. Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. Put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten dollars to have your clothes cleaned."
"Sounds like a great idea" says drunk number 1.
When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is. The drunk starts spinning the lie and says " look for yourself, there's ten bucks in my shirt pocket."
His wife looks in the pocket and finds twenty dollars.
"Wait a minute, I thought you said the guy gave you ten for puking on you," says the wife.
"He did," says the drunk.
"But he shit in my pants too."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mandi M. Topper on 09-Aug-2005 | Susie's LegsOne day a cop was walking along in the ghetto. He came upon a guy sitting on the curb and thinking. He went up to the guy.
"What are you doing," the cop asks."
I'm just thinking about starting a bar right over there,but I can't think of a name for the place," the man replied."
If you can come up with a name for me I'll give you a free drink,"the guy said. The cop likes this idea, so the first thing he thinks of he tells the man."
How about Susie," the cop suggests.
"Susie, I like it. Come back tomorrow for you're drink," said the man.
The cop returns to the ghetto the next day. The guy is sitting on the curb again."
What about Susie?"
the cop asked."
The man answered," I thought about it and I decided I didn't like it.I'll give you two drinks if you come up with a better name" The cop thought for a moment and said" Susie's Legs" The man agreed and told the cop to come back tomorrow for his free drinks.
The next day the cop returns, and sure enough the bar is there, but it doesn't open for another 10 minutes. He waits in his car. A young teen asks the cop what he was doing just sitting in his car. the cop replies," I'm waiting for Susie's Legs to open so I can get my free drinks."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
